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The Rev. Robert Whipkey told officers he had been running naked at a high school track and didn’t think anyone would be around at that time of day, a police report said.

He told officers he sweats profusely if he wears clothing while jogging.

“I know what I did was wrong,” he said in the report.

Whipkey did not return phone messages. His attorney, Doug Tisdale, told the Daily Times-Call of Longmont that Whipkey had no comment.

Whipkey, 53, was arrested around 4:30 a.m. June 22 in this town about 20 miles north of Denver.

The Archdiocese of Denver said it takes the incident seriously but is awaiting the outcome of the case. Whipkey remains an active priest.

If convicted of indecent exposure, a misdemeanor, he would have to register as a sex offender, prosecutors said.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Come on folks – what’s so wrong with a Catholic priest running naked on a high school track early in the morning? Okay, okay, you’re right…
• Actually, Father Whipkey wasn’t totally nude when arrested. He was wearing his collar. His spiked dog collar that is.
• In a related development, a male prostitute was arrested for walking fully clothed through a church last night (ok so it ain’t quite there yet but work on the opposite angle will ya…?).

SOURCE:

• WRAL

That was the winning eBay bid Wednesday for a slab of concrete with a driveway sealant smudge with a pattern of Christ.

The Serios – Deb and John, and their daughters Natalie and Kelly – of Forest put the stain up for auction more than a week ago.

Word spread far and wide via the Internet. The family has received hundreds of messages from around the world.

“It’s fun to see what people say and think about it,” said Deb Serio, a teacher at E.C. Glass High School.

The winning bidder used the moniker “islandoffthecoast.” He or she has been an eBay user since February 2003.

In describing the stain on eBay, the Serio family wrote: “It does not change, cry, or manifest itself in any other way. It is an uncanny icon of Christ.”

Serio has hired a contractor to excavate the marked section of concrete from the garage floor. The auction winner will receive that chunk.

Serio said she has no plans yet for the money.

“I really never thought I’d get any, to be honest,” she said. “I know that sounds sort of naive, but I put it up there as sort of a lark, thinking, ‘Well, who knows who’s out there.’ I’m surprised.”

She said some people have told her she shouldn’t profit off Christ’s likeness.

But to Serio, an active Lutheran, the mark on the garage floor isn’t a sign from above – it’s just a smudge.

“I don’t consider myself someone who needs a Christ-like image to fortify my beliefs. … There are some people who need this kind of thing to sort of start them on their faith journey. I don’t. That’s why I don’t mind parting with it,” she said.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Look closely at the photo of the smudge – doesn’t this look more like a Picasso than a Christ?
• Ironically, this grease stain was the end result of a grilled cheese sandwich eaten by a local mechanic.
• In a related development, the grease-stained image of Satan sold for .50 cents after being found under Dick Cheney’s Hummer.

SOURCE:

• Newsadvance.com

Four teenagers broke into a gas station early Wednesday and left a trail of wrappers along the road as they left, said Cpl. Mark Shawkey, a spokesman for the Anne Arundel County Police Department.

A police dog located the teens a quarter-mile away.

“Never heard of a K-9 having that extra help in completing a track,” Shawkey said.

Three boys and a girl, ages 15 and 16, were charged with burglary and theft. They were not named because of their ages.

Shawkey said the teens stole candy, chips and cigars from the BP station.

Most of the junk food was found scattered around the road where they were apprehended.

JOKESTARTERS:

• This story is further proof that yes, junk food is indeed ruining the lives of our children.
• In a related development, three bears were busted by cops after they left a trail of unfinished bowls of porridge behind after robbing a restaurant.

SOURCE:

• Centre Daily

The man, from Haaksbergen, near Utrecht in the Netherlands, was reported to police after a farmer caught him having sex with a sheep.

But the case was thrown out of court as the sheep couldn’t take to the stand to testify that it didn’t want to have sex and had suffered emotional stress.

Under Dutch law, bestiality is not a crime unless it can be proved the animal didn’t want to have sex.

“Short of putting the sheep in the dock, at the moment these perverts cannot be prosecuted,” animal rights campaigner Jos van Huisen said.

JOKESTARTERS:

• In a related development, some Dutch judge actually waited to see if a sheep would show up in court.
• This is just another baa-aad case of the justice system not serving all living entities as equals. Sheep shot.

SOURCE:

• News.com.au

WALKERTON, ONTARIO – A 19-year old Ontario man started eating his clothes after being asked to take a breath test.

Police say the Bruce County man first took out his contact lenses and ate them – and then tried to eat his shirt and socks.

When police tried to stop the man from devouring his clothes, a scuffle broke out, and an officer pepper-sprayed him.

After the man was put in a holding cell, police say he dunked his head in a toilet.

The clothes-eating suspect has been charged with failing to provide a breath sample.

He is scheduled to make a court appearance in October.

JOKESTARTERS:

• You know, if clothes didn’t taste so dang good, this wouldn’t have happened.
• In a related development, stock prices in companies that sell edible undies skyrocketed today.
• The court appearance has been canceled for fear of the suspect eating his orange prison jumpsuit.
• You’ve probably heard the expression “I’ll eat my hat” but this is ridiculous…

SOURCE:

• KIROTV.com