Category — Headlines

Four teenagers broke into a gas station early Wednesday and left a trail of wrappers along the road as they left, said Cpl. Mark Shawkey, a spokesman for the Anne Arundel County Police Department.

A police dog located the teens a quarter-mile away.

“Never heard of a K-9 having that extra help in completing a track,” Shawkey said.

Three boys and a girl, ages 15 and 16, were charged with burglary and theft. They were not named because of their ages.

Shawkey said the teens stole candy, chips and cigars from the BP station.

Most of the junk food was found scattered around the road where they were apprehended.

JOKESTARTERS:

• This story is further proof that yes, junk food is indeed ruining the lives of our children.
• In a related development, three bears were busted by cops after they left a trail of unfinished bowls of porridge behind after robbing a restaurant.

SOURCE:

• Centre Daily

The man, from Haaksbergen, near Utrecht in the Netherlands, was reported to police after a farmer caught him having sex with a sheep.

But the case was thrown out of court as the sheep couldn’t take to the stand to testify that it didn’t want to have sex and had suffered emotional stress.

Under Dutch law, bestiality is not a crime unless it can be proved the animal didn’t want to have sex.

“Short of putting the sheep in the dock, at the moment these perverts cannot be prosecuted,” animal rights campaigner Jos van Huisen said.

JOKESTARTERS:

• In a related development, some Dutch judge actually waited to see if a sheep would show up in court.
• This is just another baa-aad case of the justice system not serving all living entities as equals. Sheep shot.

SOURCE:

• News.com.au

Police say the Bruce County man first took out his contact lenses and ate them – and then tried to eat his shirt and socks.

When police tried to stop the man from devouring his clothes, a scuffle broke out, and an officer pepper-sprayed him.

After the man was put in a holding cell, police say he dunked his head in a toilet.

The clothes-eating suspect has been charged with failing to provide a breath sample.

He is scheduled to make a court appearance in October.

JOKESTARTERS:

• You know, if clothes didn’t taste so dang good, this wouldn’t have happened.
• In a related development, stock prices in companies that sell edible undies skyrocketed today.
• The court appearance has been canceled for fear of the suspect eating his orange prison jumpsuit.
• You’ve probably heard the expression “I’ll eat my hat” but this is ridiculous…

SOURCE:

• KIROTV.com

Margaret Wegner, now 59, was 4 years old when she fell while carrying the 3.15 inch-long pencil, which went through her cheek and into her brain.

“It bored right through the skin and disappeared into my head,” Wegner said. “It hurt like crazy.”

At the time the technology did not exist to safely remove the pencil, so Wegner had to live with it – and the chronic headaches and nosebleeds that it brought – for the next five-and-a-half decades.

But on Friday, Dr. Hans Behrbohm, an ear, nose and throat specialist at Berlin’s Park-Klinik Weissensee, was able to use modern techniques to identify the exact location of the pencil so that he could accurately determine that the risks of removing it, and then take most of it out.

The operation was particularly difficult because of the way the pencil had shifted as Wegner grew, Behrbohm told The Associated Press on Tuesday.

“This was something unique because the trauma was so old,” said Behrbohm, who has also operated to remove bullets from the brains of shooting victims, and glass from the brains of people involved in car accidents.

Though a 0.79-inch piece of the pencil could not be removed, Behrbohm said it does not present a danger.

And now Wegner, the wife of German boxing coach Ulli Wegner, will no longer have the headaches and nosebleeds, and her sense of smell should also return soon, Behrbohm said.

“She shouldn’t suffer any longer,” he said.

JOKESTARTERS:

• On the bright side, aside from suffering headaches and other pains for 55 years, the victim was able to jot notes down quickly using only the tip of her nose.
• The pop quiz the victim was supposed to take when she originally had the accident was finally re-given. The woman failed and has now been sent back to Kindergarten.
• I’ve heard of “Pencil Neck Geeks” before but never a “Pencil Headed Kraut” (is “kraut” too non-PC?).

SOURCE:

• Centre Daily

THAILAND – Cops who break police force rules will be forced to wear pink armbands featuring “Hello Kitty”, the oh-so-cute Japanese cat icon of cute, as a mark of shame.

Officers caught littering, parking in a prohibited area, or arriving late will have to don the striking armband featuring the “Kitty” character sitting on top of two hearts, said Police Colonel Pongpat Chayaphan.

“Simple warnings no longer work. This new twist is expected to make them feel guilt and shame and prevent them from repeating the offense, no matter how minor,” said Col Pongpat, acting chief of the Bangkok crime suppression division.

“Hello Kitty is a cute icon for young girls. It’s not something macho police officers want covering their biceps,” he said.

Officers caught breaking the law would be subject to the same fines and penalties as any other members of the public, he added.

“We want to make sure that we do not condone small offenses,” Col Pongpat said.

His department believed getting tough on petty infringements would lead to fewer cases of more serious offences including abuse of power and mistreatment of the public.

Hello Kitty, which was introduced by Sanrio in 1974, has been popular for years with children and young women.

The cat adorns everything from diamond-studded jewelery, Fender guitars and digital cameras to lunch boxes, T-shirts and stationery.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Not to be outdone, police in Manila are forcing officers who misbehave to wear armbands made of envelopes suitable for holding large letters.
• In a related development, male figure skaters who misbehave will be required to get skull tattoos on their genitals.

SOURCE:

• Scotsman.com