Category — Religion

MANCHESTER, CT – First, he was seen in a grilled cheese sandwich.

Then in a tree.

More recently, as a grease stain on the floor of a garage that sold on eBay for over $1,500.

And now, a Connecticut couple, Malynda and Eric Smith, say that one of the kitchen cabinet doors has an image of Jesus Christ in it.

The couple says they have lived in the house for about a year and never noticed anything different about the cabinet.

And they say it may be hard to believe, but everyone who looks at it sees the image.

“My daughter came and and said, ‘Mom look it’s God,’” recalled Malynda.

“And I looked and there it was a picture of Jesus Christ. Then my son noticed it and my husband came in and noticed it. I just can’t believe we hadn’t noticed it before.”

The family says, unlike others who have items bearing the likeness of Jesus, they are not going to sell the cabinet door.

They say that would be bad luck.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Actually, it makes perfect sense that Jesus would choose to put his image in a cabinet. After all, he was a carpenter, right?

SOURCE:

• First Coast News

FREDERICK, CO — A Catholic priest faces indecent exposure charges after jogging totally nekkid, like Adam, about an hour before sunrise.

The Rev. Robert Whipkey told officers he had been running naked at a high school track and didn’t think anyone would be around at that time of day, a police report said.

He told officers he sweats profusely if he wears clothing while jogging.

“I know what I did was wrong,” he said in the report.

Whipkey did not return phone messages. His attorney, Doug Tisdale, told the Daily Times-Call of Longmont that Whipkey had no comment.

Whipkey, 53, was arrested around 4:30 a.m. June 22 in this town about 20 miles north of Denver.

The Archdiocese of Denver said it takes the incident seriously but is awaiting the outcome of the case. Whipkey remains an active priest.

If convicted of indecent exposure, a misdemeanor, he would have to register as a sex offender, prosecutors said.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Come on folks – what’s so wrong with a Catholic priest running naked on a high school track early in the morning? Okay, okay, you’re right…
• Actually, Father Whipkey wasn’t totally nude when arrested. He was wearing his collar. His spiked dog collar that is.
• In a related development, a male prostitute was arrested for walking fully clothed through a church last night (ok so it ain’t quite there yet but work on the opposite angle will ya…?).

SOURCE:

• WRAL

As summer starts to sink her hot and humid teeth in, the weather starts to take effect on the human mind, causing otherwise normal, everyday folks to do things like use food product to hide holes in prison walls, see religious images inside juicy red fruit, pull over vehicles shaped like giant wieners, and ask cops for a “time out” when being chased:

• Chased Thief Runs Out Of Breath, Asks Cops For A “Time Out”
• Cops Pull Over Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, Thinking It’s Hot
• ‘Kevin Bean’ Charged With Indecent Exposure At NH Hair Salon
• For Fifty Dolla, “Over Here Jerks!” Will Distract Nerd In SF iPhone Line
• Woman Slices Watermelon, Sees Image Of Virgin Mary Inside
• Man Killed When SUV Hits Fire Hydrant, Which Flies Through Air And Hits Him
• Inmates Use Pancake Batter And Toothpaste To Conceal Hole In Wall
• Man Awakes With Bad Headache. Doc Finds Bullet In Head. Wife Arrested.
• Death Row Inmate FAILS To Tell Joke As Last Words
• Stooge Who Sued Dry Cleaners Over Missing Pants Loses Lawsuit
• Meet Elwood, The World’s Ugliest Dog

CALIPATRIA, CA – An Arizona woman claims that the image of the Virgin of Guadeloupe has appeared to her in a sliced watermelon.

Mary Lou Robles works at the Calipatria State Prison in the snack bar. Last week she was getting ready to serve some watermelon when she saw the image of the Virgin Mary inside.

“I cut it and I started putting it into cubes and I saw this. The Virgin de Guadeloupe because to me it’s the Virgin de Guadeloupe,” said Robles.

The Virgin de Guadeloupe is the image of the Virgin Mary said to appear to peasant in Mexico.

“I always carry mine.”

Mary has her Virgin Mary medallion with her at all times.

She said she hopes the vision comes as a blessing.

“I’m going to keep it here. Something has to happen to me, good.”

Mary showed the image to her mother and daughter without telling them what it was and their reaction was instantaneous.

“She said what do you see? And right away I saw it. Sometimes I need glasses but right away I saw it.”

Mary’s daughter Crystal said the image is a sign from a higher power with one simple message.

“It’s unexplainable but sometimes God does miracles and maybe it brought her a visual of the watermelon so she can realize she’s a great woman and somebody else is watching over her.”

Mary said she knows there are skeptics.

“I tried to show my coworkers and they said ‘Throw it away’.”

Her daughter said none of that is important.

“As long as she sees it and as long as she knows that it’s a thank you. It’s ok.”

Mary said she has no plans to try and sell the watermelon or get rid of it. She said she’s had it for ten days and it’s still fresh. At this time of year, that’s a minor miracle in itself.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Not to be outdone, at a recent Jokestarter picnic, everyone saw the image of the “comeback” Elvis in the disposed spine of a baked scrod. We were all very joyful about the discovery and took it as a good omen. Except for the skeptical dude who choked to death on a scrod bone…sorry man, maybe next time you’ll believe…
• No word yet on whether GoldenPalace.com will be buying this one. They have to get a refrigerated case first…

SOURCE:

• First Coast News