Category — Photos

Just as the Citizen Bank branch opened Saturday morning, a man walked in with leaves and branches duct-taped to his head and torso, and robbed the place.

“He really went out on a limb,” police Sgt. Ernie Goodno said Sunday.

Police said the leafy man didn’t saying anything about having a weapon, just demanded cash, and was given an undisclosed amount.

Although the branches and leaves obscured much of the man’s face, someone who saw images from the bank’s security camera recognized the robber and called police.

Officers said James Coldwell, 49, was arrested early Sunday at his Manchester home and charged with robbery.

Arraignment was not expected until Monday.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Authorities figured out the robber’s age by cutting him in half, then counting the rings inside.
• Bank tellers were relieved that the robber didn’t have any weapons, although several commented on his sharp branches.
• One worker was traumatized because of an illogical fear of talking trees, and is undergoing counseling.
• Tons of easy puns on this one, including what the cop said (“went out on a limb”); Jokestarter words to work with: bank branch, leaf, bark, sap, trunk, etc.

SOURCE:

• Seattle P-I

Oh it’s on the street
The weird is – o-on

Oh-wo-ho, oh-wo-ho.

(Tell me can you feel it)
(Tell me can you feel it)
(Tell me can you feel it)?

THE WEIRD IS ON:

• Ice Cream Man Busted For Selling Pot From Irritating Musical Truck
• Drunk Drag Queen Firefighter Caught In Bikini Gets Off (PIC)
  
• Another Day, Another Garden Gnome Gone Wild In Florida
• Police Warn Californians: Be On The Lookout For Team Of Condom Thieves
• Ugly, One-Eyed Mascot Argues With Fox News Producer In NYC (VIDEO)
• Paris Hilton’s Used Toothbrush Sells For $305 On eBay
• Man Pummels Peacock To Death, ‘Cuz He Thinks It’s A Vampire
• Fast Food Server Gets Punched In Face For Not Saying “Please” And “Thank You”

Elwood, dark colored and hairless – save for a mohawk-like puff of white fur on his head – is often referred to as “Yoda,” or “ET,” for his resemblance to those famous science fiction characters.

“I think he’s the cutest thing that ever lived,” said Elwood’s owner, Karen Quigley, a resident of Sewell, New Jersey.

Quigley brought Elwood out to compete for the second year at the annual ugly dog contest at the Marin-Sonoma County Fair. Elwood placed second last year.

Most of the competing canines were also Chinese Crested, a breed that features a mohawk, bug eyes and a long, wagging tongue.

Quigley said she rescued Elwood two years ago. “The breeder was going to euthanize him because she thought he was too ugly to sell,” said Quigley.

“So ha ha, now Elwood’s all over the Internet and people love him and adore him.”

Beyond the regal title of ugliest dog, Elwood also earned a $1,000 reward for his owner.

JOKESTARTERS:

• In a related development, Paris Hilton won a contest over the weekend for “Hottest But Most Untalented Rich Bitch in the Slammer” in LA. 
• Not to be outdone, last year’s winner was seen after losing the competition in her trailer getting her face poked at and her tongue yanked out lower.

SOURCE:

• WRAL

Does your cute little Yorkshire Terrier love to hump your leg?

Does your large Golden Retriever love to mount you when you’re laying down?

Don’t you wish you had some way to stop your horndog of a dog from constantly humping everything it sees?

Your answer is here in the form of Hotdoll, an actual, new sex toy aimed at providing “relief” for your oversexed horndog:

UPDATE/PREDICTION:

• This can’t be real folks. Has to be, and I mean, it just has to be, another brilliant prank pulled off by Joey Skaggs?! I’m telling you, everybody just jumped on this right away, and I don’t think anyone’s done any real fact-checking. I mean, take a close look at the images, which appear to be Photoshoporific for sure.

SOURCE:

• Gizmodo

ALBUQUERQUE, NM — Jennifer Wilbanks, the bride-to-be who skipped town just days before her planned wedding in Georgia, has a new starring role in New Mexico – as the face of a new police recruiting billboard.

The Albuquerque Police Department plans to unveil the ad on 10 digital billboards across the city next week, the Albuquerque Journal reported Thursday.

“Running away from your current job? Call APD recruiting,” the ad reads, above a photo of Officer Trish Hoffman grabbing the veil of a bride, adorned in gown and wedding shoes.

Hoffman got national attention two years ago after Wilbanks landed in Albuquerque claiming she had been abducted before she was set to marry. Photos of Hoffman leading Wilbanks through the airport with a blanket over the runaway bride’s head appeared on televisions and in newspapers across the country.

Now, Hoffman will be on billboards.

“I am sure I am going to get some harassment,” she told the newspaper.

The ad will be up for a month at a cost of $16,000. Depending on the response, the department may incorporate it into fliers, posters and possibly TV ads.

“The runaway bride is one of those stories that people across the nation still talk about,” said Police Chief Ray Schultz. “We hope we can capitalize off of that.”

The department currently has fewer than 1,000 officers and is trying to build the force to 1,100 by this summer.

JOKESTARTERS:

• I know that nothing makes me want to be a cop more than a billboard with the ‘deer-in-headlights’ eyes of a flakey woman. Where do I sign up?
• Doncha just hate it when your mugshot goes into the public domain and you can’t do anything about it? Makes me want to run away…

SOURCE:

• Centre Daily