Category — News

Then in a tree.

More recently, as a grease stain on the floor of a garage that sold on eBay for over $1,500.

And now, a Connecticut couple, Malynda and Eric Smith, say that one of the kitchen cabinet doors has an image of Jesus Christ in it.

The couple says they have lived in the house for about a year and never noticed anything different about the cabinet.

And they say it may be hard to believe, but everyone who looks at it sees the image.

“My daughter came and and said, ‘Mom look it’s God,’” recalled Malynda.

“And I looked and there it was a picture of Jesus Christ. Then my son noticed it and my husband came in and noticed it. I just can’t believe we hadn’t noticed it before.”

The family says, unlike others who have items bearing the likeness of Jesus, they are not going to sell the cabinet door.

They say that would be bad luck.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Actually, it makes perfect sense that Jesus would choose to put his image in a cabinet. After all, he was a carpenter, right?

SOURCE:

• First Coast News

The 54-year-old office worker was out on his motorcycle with a group of friends in the city of Hamamatsu, west of Tokyo, on Monday, when he was unable to negotiate a curve in the road and bumped into a safety barrier, severing his leg below the knee, the Mainichi Shimbun said.

He felt excruciating pain, but did not notice that his lower right leg was missing until he stopped at the next junction, the paper quoted local police as saying.

The man and his leg were taken to a hospital, but the limb had been crushed in the collision, the paper said.

JOKESTARTERS:

• When told of his mistake, the victim got “hopping mad,” according to eyewitnesses.
• On the bright side of things, at least the motorcyclist will now be eligible to enter the famous Tokyo One-Legged Ass Kicking Contest; he also just cut his toenail-clipping responsibilities in half!

SOURCE:

• Reuters

Employees at Changes, on North 45th Street, said they don’t know, but the ensuing melee just past 1 a.m. Thursday was unlike anything they’ve ever seen there before.

As soon as the man on stage started singing about the stars in his best Chris Martin impersonation, the woman reportedly said: “Oh, no, not that song. I can’t stand that song!”

Witnesses said her distaste for Coldplay quickly took a violent turn, and she leaped at the would-be crooner, shouting expletives and telling him that his singing “sucked,” while expressing the same opinion of the song, according to a Seattle police report.

She pushed the man and punched him, all in an effort to stop his singing.

Other patrons went to the singer’s aid and hauled the 21-year-old woman outside.

“It took three or four of us to hold her down,” said Robert Willmette, one of the bartenders at Changes.

The woman, Willmette said, “went crazy” when she got outside, punching him twice in the face, and throwing blows at the others gathered around her.

But the person who drew most of the music critic’s ire was an off-duty Seattle police officer. The off-duty officer identified herself as a cop, gave her badge number and had another patron call 911 to request help for an officer.

The response was fast and overwhelming, with both patrol officers and Gang Unit detectives converging on the normally tame neighborhood bar.

“They blocked the whole street off,” Willmette said.

According to the police report, the woman’s rage only grew when the uniformed officers arrived.

The officers took the woman, whom Willmette described as “a little hippie girl,” to the ground, but she was still able to head butt the off-duty officer several times before she was handcuffed.

After treatment for injuries she suffered in the scuffle, the woman was booked into the King County Jail for investigation of assault. She was also held on a warrant issued for a previous theft charge.

The off-duty officer also went to the hospital, for treatment of several cuts, scrapes and bruises.

Later Thursday morning, bar employees were shaking their heads over the woman’s bizarre behavior.

It could have been the Coldplay song “Yellow” that upset the patron of a Wallingford neighborhood bar. Or perhaps it was the karaoke singer who belted it out.

Employees at Changes, on North 45th Street, said they don’t know, but the ensuing melee just past 1 a.m. Thursday was one unlike anything seen at the bar before.

As soon as the man on stage started singing about the stars in his best Chris Martin impersonation, the woman reportedly said: “Oh, no, not that song. I can’t stand that song!”

Witnesses said her distaste for Coldplay quickly took a violent turn, and she leaped at the would-be crooner, shouting expletives and telling him that his singing “sucked,” while expressing the same opinion of the song, according to a Seattle police report.

She pushed the man and punched him, all in an effort to stop his singing.

Other patrons went to the singer’s aid and hauled the 21-year-old woman outside.

“It took three or four of us to hold her down,” said Robert Willmette, one of the bartenders at Changes.

The woman, Willmette said, “went crazy” when she got outside, punching him twice in the face, and throwing blows at the others gathered around her.

But the person who drew most of the music critic’s ire was an off-duty Seattle police officer. The off-duty officer identified herself as a cop, gave her badge number and had another patron call 911 to request help for an officer.

The response was fast and overwhelming, with both patrol officers and Gang Unit detectives converging on the normally tame neighborhood bar.

“They blocked the whole street off,” Willmette said.

According to the police report, the woman’s rage only grew when the uniformed officers arrived.

The officers took the woman, whom Willmette described as “a little hippie girl,” to the ground, but she was still able to head butt the off-duty officer several times before she was handcuffed.

After treatment for injuries she suffered in the scuffle, the woman was booked into the King County Jail for investigation of assault. She was also held on a warrant issued for a previous theft charge.

The off-duty officer also went to the hospital, for treatment of several cuts, scrapes and bruises.

Later Thursday morning, bar employees were shaking their heads over the woman’s bizarre behavior.

According to the night bartender’s notes, she had just one drink — a single shot of Jägermeister.

She didn’t appear to be one of the regulars who flock to the bar for its karaoke nights on Sundays and Wednesdays.

Most are regulars who come for the pleasure of the singing, and the police are rarely needed.

“She was just crazy,” Willmette said.

According to the night bartender’s notes, she had just one drink — a single shot of Jägermeister.

She didn’t appear to be one of the regulars who flock to the bar for its karaoke nights on Sundays and Wednesdays.

Most are regulars who come for the pleasure of the singing, and the police are rarely needed.

“She was just crazy,” Willmette said.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Initially, the attacker was arrested and charged with assault. But once authorities found out that her anger was based on a karaoke version of “Yellow,” all charges were immediately dropped. A parade in her honor is now scheduled for Monday at Noon.
• Actually, the reason the singer was attacked was because the suspect “hippie girl” had hepatitis, and was offended by lyrics talking about “skin” and “yellow.”

RE-CREATE THE ATTACK HERE – WATCH, THEN PUNCH YOUR MONITOR:

SOURCE:

• Seattle P-I

Danny Anderson, 53, was feeding his horses Monday night, when a 5-foot rattler slithered onto his central Washington property, about 50 miles southeast of Yakima.

Anderson and his 27-year-old son, Benjamin, pinned the snake with an irrigation pipe and cut off its head with a shovel. A few more strikes to the head left it decapitated and dead sitting under a pickup truck.

“When I reached down to pick up the head, it raised around and did a backflip almost, and bit my finger,” Anderson said. “I had to shake my hand real hard to get it to let loose.”

His wife insisted they go to the hospital, and by the time they arrived at Prosser Memorial Hospital 10 minutes later, Anderson’s tongue was swollen and the venom was spreading. He then was taken by ambulance 30 miles to a Richland hospital to get the full series of six shots he needed.

The snake head ended up in the bed of his pickup, and Anderson ended up in the hospital until Wednesday afternoon.

Mike Livingston, a Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife biologist, said the area where the Andersons live is near prime snake habitat. But he said he had never heard of anyone being bit by a decapitated snake before.

“That’s really surprising but that’s an important thing to tell people,” he said. “It may have been just a reflex on the part of the snake.”

If another rattlesnake comes along, Anderson said he’ll likely try to kill it again, but said he’ll grab a shovel and bury it right there.

“It still gives me the creeps to think that son-of-a-gun could do that,” he said.

JOKESTARTERS:

• This incident is further proof that the ghosts of angry, dead rattlesnakes are dangerous.
• “Youch!” screamed the victim, “when I said I wanted a little head I didn’t mean this!”

SOURCE:

• Seattle P-I

FREDERICK, CO — A Catholic priest faces indecent exposure charges after jogging totally nekkid, like Adam, about an hour before sunrise.

The Rev. Robert Whipkey told officers he had been running naked at a high school track and didn’t think anyone would be around at that time of day, a police report said.

He told officers he sweats profusely if he wears clothing while jogging.

“I know what I did was wrong,” he said in the report.

Whipkey did not return phone messages. His attorney, Doug Tisdale, told the Daily Times-Call of Longmont that Whipkey had no comment.

Whipkey, 53, was arrested around 4:30 a.m. June 22 in this town about 20 miles north of Denver.

The Archdiocese of Denver said it takes the incident seriously but is awaiting the outcome of the case. Whipkey remains an active priest.

If convicted of indecent exposure, a misdemeanor, he would have to register as a sex offender, prosecutors said.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Come on folks – what’s so wrong with a Catholic priest running naked on a high school track early in the morning? Okay, okay, you’re right…
• Actually, Father Whipkey wasn’t totally nude when arrested. He was wearing his collar. His spiked dog collar that is.
• In a related development, a male prostitute was arrested for walking fully clothed through a church last night (ok so it ain’t quite there yet but work on the opposite angle will ya…?).

SOURCE:

• WRAL