The man, from Haaksbergen, near Utrecht in the Netherlands, was reported to police after a farmer caught him having sex with a sheep.

But the case was thrown out of court as the sheep couldn’t take to the stand to testify that it didn’t want to have sex and had suffered emotional stress.

Under Dutch law, bestiality is not a crime unless it can be proved the animal didn’t want to have sex.

“Short of putting the sheep in the dock, at the moment these perverts cannot be prosecuted,” animal rights campaigner Jos van Huisen said.

JOKESTARTERS:

• In a related development, some Dutch judge actually waited to see if a sheep would show up in court.
• This is just another baa-aad case of the justice system not serving all living entities as equals. Sheep shot.

SOURCE:

• News.com.au

Strange goings-on in swimming pools.

A distractable bus driver.

Zsa Zsa’s alleged “prince” found nekkid in his Rolls.

Lame suicide attempt.

And of course, everyone’s favorite, wacky animal hijinks…just another weird week in review:

• Thieving Squirrel Stealing Children’s Chocolate Treats From Grocery Store
• Man Tries To Commit Suicide By Tying Self To Tree For Six Days
• Capuchin Monkey Unlocks Cage And Escapes. Authorities Call Ben Stiller.
• If This Pussy Curls Up On Your Lap, You’re Gonna Die
• Zsa Zsa’s “Prince” Hubby Found Nekkid In His Rolls
• Driver Tries To Kick Woman Off Bus For Being Too Sexy
• Woman Baffled By Theft Of Her Backyard Swimming Pool, Including Water
• Is That A Milky Way In The Pool? Pool Closed After It’s Found *Not* To Be Candy.
• Oral Surgeon Implants Tusks In Assistant’s Mouth As Joke

“Suddenly he stopped the bus,” the woman named Debora C. told Bild newspaper. “He opened the door and shouted at me ‘Your cleavage is distracting me every time I look into my mirror and I can’t concentrate on the traffic. If you don’t sit somewhere else, I’m going to have to throw you off the bus.’”

The woman, pictured in Bild wearing her snug-fitting summer clothes with the plunging neckline, said she moved to another seat but was humiliated by the bus driver.

A spokesman for the bus company defended the driver.

“The bus driver is allowed to do that and he did the right thing,” the spokesman said.

“A bus driver cannot be distracted because it’s a danger to the safety of all the passengers.”
JOKESTARTERS:

• In a related story, male ridership on German buses has suddenly and inexplicably skyrocketed.
• Ironically, and this is indeed true (look it up if you don’t believe), the German word for breasts is busen. Coincidence? I think not!

SOURCE:

• Metro.co.uk

Dr. Robert Woo of Auburn had put in the phony tusks while his female assistant was under anesthesia for a different procedure. He took them out before she awoke, but he first shot photos that eventually made it around the office.

The employee, Tina Alberts, felt so humiliated when she saw the pictures that she quit and sued her boss.

Woo’s insurance company, Fireman’s Fund, refused to cover the claim, saying the practical joke was intentional and not a normal business activity his insurance policy covered, so Woo settled out of court. He agreed to pay Alberts $250,000, then he sued his insurers.

A King County Superior Court jury sided with Woo, ordering Fireman’s Fund to pay him $750,000, plus the out-of-court settlement. The insurance company won the next round, with the state Court of Appeals saying the prank had nothing to do with Woo’s practice of dentistry. On Thursday, the state Supreme Court restored Woo’s award.

In a sprightly 5-4 decision, Supreme Court Justice Mary Fairhurst wrote that Woo’s practical joke was an integral, if odd, part of the assistant’s dental surgery and “conceivably” should trigger the professional liability coverage of his policy.

Dissenting Justice James Johnson said the prank wasn’t a dental procedure at all and only “rewards Dr. Woo’s obnoxious behavior and allows him to profit handsomely.”

The back story, the court wrote, is that Alberts’ family raises potbellied pigs and that she frequently talked about them at the office where she worked for five years.

Woo said his jests about the pigs were part of “a friendly working environment” that he tried to foster.

The oral surgery on Alberts was intended to replace two of her teeth with implants, which Woo did.

First, though, he installed temporary bridges that he had shaped to look like boar tusks, and while Alberts was still under anesthesia, he took photos, some with her eyes propped open. Before she woke up, he removed the “tusks” and put in the proper replacement teeth.

Woo says he didn’t personally show her the pictures but staffers gave her copies at a birthday party.

Woo’s lawyer, Richard Kilpatrick, described the surgeon as a kindhearted, fun-loving man who was chagrined that an office prank turned out so badly. He was delighted with the high court’s decision, Kilpatrick said.

Attorneys for the insurance company did not immediately return calls seeking comment.

JOKESTARTERS:

• I wonder, when the oral surgeon took the stand in court, did the bailiff ask him if he’d vow to “tell the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth”?
• Can you imagine working as this doc’s assistant now and getting free oral surgery? “Um, no fangs doc…”

SOURCE:

• WRAL

An unknown tooth in forehead.

Maggots living in a man’s skull.

Severed hand found by handymen.

Gunman gets group hug.

And Elvis lives – in a rock.

Nothing to read here folks…just another weird week in review:

• Gov’t Building Locked Down ‘Cuz Someone Tossed Salad Behind
• Michigan Girl Credits Spiders For Rescuing Her From Fire
• Rugby Player Finds Opponent’s Tooth Buried In His Forehead
• Doc Removes Living Fly MAGGOTS From Man’s Head
• Woman Finds Image of Elvis In A Rock
• Contractors In Maine Find Severed Hand-Me-Down
• Gunmen Demands Money At Party, Gets Group Hug

• BREAKING NEWS: Major Sting Operation At The State Department!
• Baby Boy Says “Bye Bye Plane.” Flight Attendant Says “Bye Bye Baby.”
• Doofus Posing As Cop In SUV With Flashing Lights Pulls Over Real Cop. Oops.
• Nutjob Judge Isn’t Quite Done With His Missing Pants Lawsuit Yet
• When Using Public Toilet In Japan, Be Careful What You Wipe With. It Could Be Money!
• Man Breaks Into Woman’s Apartment Just To Make Ham Sandwich
• Police Break Into Smelly Apartment, Looking For Corpse. Instead Find Guy With Stinky Feet.
• Angry Bride Jailed For Attacking Fiance’ With Her Stiletto
• Nutjob Flies Over Oregon In A Lawn Chair
• Metallica Singer Detained At Airport For Having “Taliban-Like Beard”
• Man Dresses Up As Tree, Then Robs Bank

Kate Penland, of suburban Atlanta, said she and her 19-month-old son, Garren, were flying from Atlanta to Oklahoma last month on a Continental Express flight that made a stop in Houston.

As the plane was taxiing in Houston en route to Oklahoma, “he started saying ‘Bye, bye plane,’ Penland told WSB-TV in Atlanta. The flight attendant objected, she said.

“At the end of her speech, she leaned over the gentleman beside me and said, ‘It’s not funny anymore. You need to shut your baby up,”‘ Penland told WSB-TV in Atlanta.

When Penland asked the woman if she was joking, she said the stewardess replied, “You know, it’s called baby Benadryl.”

“And I said, ‘Well, I’m not going to drug my child so you have a pleasant flight,”‘ Penland told the TV station.

Penland said other passengers began speaking up on her behalf, and the flight attendant announced they were turning around and that Penland and Garren were going to be taken off the plane.

Penland and her son were let off the plane and did not complete the trip to Oklahoma, said Kristy Nicholas, spokeswoman for Express Jet Airlines, which flies as Continental Express on behalf of Continental Airlines.

Attempts by the Associated Press to reach Penland under a telephone listing that matched her last name were unsuccessful.

“I was crying, I was upset and I was thinking, ‘What am I going to do? I don’t have anything with me, I don’t have any more diapers for the baby, no juice, no milk,” Penland told WSB.

Nicholas said, “We received Ms. Penland’s letter expressing her concerns and intend to investigate its contents.”

JOKESTARTERS:

• Obviously, the flight attendant did the right thing. Babies are the most underrated terrorist suspects, and should be treated with extreme caution at all times.
• Not to be outdone, TSA officials are now hand-searching all diapers on these suspicious, alleged “babies.” Anything found that’s over three ounces will land its owner in Guantanamo.
• Upon hearing of this incident, Michael Chertoff was quoted as saying “I had a gut feeling about that little shit…”
• In response to this incident, Continental Airlines will now feature special “Sippy Cuptails” for babies on all flights. Each complimentary beverage will consist of apple juice mixed with cyanide, and is guaranteed to quiet fussy babies. Forever.

SOURCE:

• CNEWS

Roy L. Pearson, a local administrative law judge, argued Wednesday that District of Columbia Superior Court Judge Judith Bartnoff failed to address his legal claims. Bartnoff had ruled that the business owners did not violate the city’s consumer protection law by failing to live up to his expectations of a “Satisfaction Guaranteed” sign once displayed in the store.

“The court effectively substituted a guarantee of satisfaction with ‘reasonable’ limits and preconditions for the unconditional and unambiguous guarantee of satisfaction the defendant-merchant chose to advertise for seven years,” Pearson wrote. “That was a fundamental legal error.”

If Bartnoff rejects Pearson’s motion, he could take the matter to the District of Columbia Court of Appeals.

The motion comes less than a week after the South Korean immigrant owners of Custom Cleaners asked the judge to order Pearson to cover $83,000 in legal fees.

“(The) Plaintiff’s motives have been clear – quite simply, to harass Defendants and to attempt to utterly destroy their lives,” attorney Christopher Manning wrote.

The case, which drew international attention, began in 2005 when Pearson became an administrative law judge and brought several suits for alterations to Custom Cleaners.

A pair of pants from one suit was missing when he requested it two days later. A week later, the store owners said the pants had been found, but Pearson denied that they were his and decided to sue.

Pearson’s suit, which originally sought $67 million, was based on a strict interpretation of the city’s consumer protection law. It also included damages for inconvenience, mental anguish and attorney’s fees for representing himself.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Does anyone who reads this (other than me), think to themselves that they’re really dead? Or in a dreamworld? Because this just can’t really be happening in real life now, can it folks? There is no Roy Pearson. There are no missing pants. There’s no ridiculous lawsuit. Right? Hello? Is this thing on???

SOURCE:

• Seattle P-I

Oh it’s on the street
The weird is – o-on

Oh-wo-ho, oh-wo-ho.

(Tell me can you feel it)
(Tell me can you feel it)
(Tell me can you feel it)?

THE WEIRD IS ON:

• Ice Cream Man Busted For Selling Pot From Irritating Musical Truck
• Drunk Drag Queen Firefighter Caught In Bikini Gets Off (PIC)
  
• Another Day, Another Garden Gnome Gone Wild In Florida
• Police Warn Californians: Be On The Lookout For Team Of Condom Thieves
• Ugly, One-Eyed Mascot Argues With Fox News Producer In NYC (VIDEO)
• Paris Hilton’s Used Toothbrush Sells For $305 On eBay
• Man Pummels Peacock To Death, ‘Cuz He Thinks It’s A Vampire
• Fast Food Server Gets Punched In Face For Not Saying “Please” And “Thank You”

Steven S. Cole, a former volunteer firefighter, pleaded guilty to a charge of operating a vehicle while intoxicated and disorderly conduct.

Municipal Court Judge George Parker sentenced Cole to attend a mandatory driver intervention program and placed him on two years’ probation.

Cole was ordered to stay out of the city’s public parks during that time and pay a $250 fine.

Parker also suspended Cole’s driving privileges for six months, except for work, counseling sessions, family appointments and visits with his probation officer.

Police arrested Cole on April 4 in his truck as he was leaving Heritage Oak Park in this Cincinnati suburb after parents complained about a man dressed in women’s clothing.

Police said they found an open, half-empty bottle of beer in the truck, along with a gym bag containing wigs, bikinis, silver go-go boots and other women’s garments.

Cole’s blood-alcohol test registered 0.17, more than twice Ohio’s legal driving limit of 0.08, police said.

The arrest report said Cole told an officer he was on his way to a bar in Dayton to perform as a woman in a contest offering a $10,000 prize.

JOKESTARTERS:

• (BAD PUN ALERT:) Man, isn’t it a drag when even off-duty firefighters can’t wear what they really want in public? That must just burn this guy up.
• As a tribute to his getting off, Cole has donated his bikini, heels and water balloon falsies to the Drag Queen Museum of Drunk Firefighters, located in a storage room in a mini-mall in Dayton.
• At one point this firefighter-in-drag was seen “fondling or exposing himself” but the real truth is that he was simply adjusting his firehose.
• And the water balloon falsies? They were simply there as a firefighting tool. Ya never know when you might need to put out a flame.
• It’s a sad day in America when a firefighter can’t go to a public park, get drunk and parade around in a skimpy bikini. Has everyone forgotten 9/11 already?

SOURCE:

• WRAL

RELATED STORY:

• Drunk Firefighter Busted In Park Wearing Bikini & Water Balloon Breasts