Category — Comedy

If you write jokes, or have tried to write jokes, you may have discovered that, while some jokes “write themselves” (the easy ones), others require some serious kick-starting.

It is with the latter in mind that I have created this list of ten Jokestarter “start lines” that can help you, especially when trying to write a joke based on a news event (ie: “Weekend Update” on SNL).

From experience, I can honestly say that yes, dying is easy, but comedy is hard. Writing good jokes takes time, lots of effort and thought, and lots of “working out” your comedic muscles through using starter lines like the ones we’ve listed below.

Consider this list as a starting point in itself – by no means is it definitive or in any particular order; it is just intended to help you come up with starter lines that may lead to a decent joke:

1. In a related development… (use this when you can come up with a parallel gag)
2. In a related story… (same idea as #1, just slightly different)
3. Not to be outdone… (use this when there’s a rival or another person that may fit into the concept)
4. Authorities are on the lookout for… (best for crime-related events, and best to use when you can come up with a twist gag)
5. ____ first became aware of the ____ when they… (good for stories where something ridiculous happened and the cops/peeps in charge acted stupid)
6. Gee, when a _____ does _____, doesn’t that _____? (good for conversational moments when you wanna go all Seinfeld on your audience)
7. And everyone wonders why… (another Seinfeld-esque line that is more conversational but usually leads into a strong/edgy, opinionated statement)
8. This isn’t the first time _____ has done ______… (good for when you can come up with a similar, fake event that mirrors/parellels the weird story’s main character’s stupid actions)
9. The last time _____ did something this smart was when he/she _____ (similar to #8, only with a bit more ‘tude)
10. If you think that was bad/stupid, you should see _____… (another ‘tude-filled setup line that can lead to a strong punchline)

If you’ve got your own favorite Jokestarter lines, please add them in the comment box below.

To see how some of these lines are used, browse through existing Jokestarters in the archives.

If you’d like to get more joke-writing ideas and Jokestarters, please subscribe to the Jokestarter Newsletter.

Thanks, and good luck!

Ah yeah…another wonderfully weird and wacky week o’news to lovingly look back on, with fond memories of sippy cups full’booze, snakes in a garden gnome, alleged courthouse ghosts (or bugs), breaking, entering and stealing only a salad, no touchy-feely in a DC-area school, death by sex on top of a building and using a human skull to make an ashtray…

• Macabre Thief Caught Stealing Human Skull To Make Ashtray
• Naked Couple Found Dead On Sidewalk After Falling From Building
• Hugging, Touching, Even High-Fiving All Banned At DC Area School
• Burglar Breaks Into Mans Apartment, Steals A Salad And Nothing Else
• Is A Ghost Haunting The Santa Fe Courthouse? (VIDEO)
  
• Latest Garden Gnome Craze? Smuggling Snakes And Lizards Inside ‘Em.
• Applebee’s Serves Margarita To Toddler. In A Sippy Cup.

Sometimes there are things other than weird news headlines that, when found, make one’s day.

The Amazon reviews for Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz are such things.

Some snips:

“There are few gifts I like to recieve more than milk. Whole milk too. That’s the kind of milk that says that it’s real. It’s right. It’s whole. I want that milk to sit there for years because that’s what you do with milk. There’s nothing better than milk – well except maybe radishes.”

“After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist – I was always cooking dinner – and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he kissed my cheek. I would jump, mostly to gratify him after a time, and smile lovingly at him. He was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.”

SOURCE:

• Amazon.com

Summer’s almost here and the weirdness is heating up, with tons o’stupid crimes, a lawsuit over puke, eating Corgis as “protest art,” fake kidney donation TV shows and of course, bomb threats that were totally uncalled for and a huge waste of taxpayer dolla holla ova’ there:

• Man Faces Five Years In Prison For Spraying Lady With Garden Hose
• Poorly-Transmitted Fax Page Leads To Major Evacuation
• Church Organist Loses Job Because She Sold Sex Toy Organs
• Woman Sues Wal-Mart After Slipping In Puddle Of Puke
• Performance Artist Eats The Queen’s Favorite Dog
• Police On Lookout For Nut Who Wants To Be Kicked In Nuts
• Man Shoots Wendy’s Manager After Chili Sauce Source Is Cut Off
• Kidney-Donating Game Show Turns Out To Be A HOAX!
• TV Host Causes Evacuation After Sending Bobblehead Doll Of Himself
• Thief Steals Cash, Then Tries To Steal Victim’s Heart

Okay, so we forgot last week’s week in review.

Blame my Mom (remember it was Mother’s Day).

No really…go ahead and call her, I’m sure she’ll understand.

Regardless, here’s your two-week recap o’weirdness and wackiness, and mostly of odd robberies:

 

• Runaway Train Full Of Cheap Beer Spills Load In Denver
• Apple Not Too Turned On By New Sex Toy Called The iGasm
• Man Gets DUI After Falling Asleep In McDonald’s Drive-Thru Lane
• Viagra Potential New Cure For Jet Lag (At Least For Hamsters)
• Cops In Germany Pull Over Man In Wheelchair And Give Him DUI
• Angry British Woman Dumps Fiance’s Van Full Of Stuff Into Harbor
• Sleeping Man Awakes To Discover He Has A Bullet In His Head
• Flowers, Limo And Bomb Used In Very Bizarre Bank Robbery
• Another Day, Another Guy Stealing Valuables ‘One Piece At A Time’
• Dude Who Sold Pot-Laced “Stoney Ranchers” Is Being Sued By Hershey’s
• Plumbing Companies Go To Court Over Phone Number From Lame Song
• Mom Forces Daughter To Stand Outside Schools Wearing Sign
• Man Bites Toddler To Teach Kid That Biting People Is Wrong
• Suspicious Package That Shut Down LAX Was A Sprinkler
• Doting Mother Drives Son To Rob Jewelry Store
• Woman Tries To Rob Bank While Riding In Limo
• Two Boys Arrested For Holding Up Store With Squirt Gun
• Robber Arrested While Quaffing Brew. Across From Bank He Robbed
• New Homeowner Finds Former Owner On Couch. Mummified.
• ‘Steal The Rainbow’! Man Steals Truck Full Of Skittles Candy
• Man Breaks Into Empty Jail Cell. Locks Self In. Breaks Out Again.
• Pitty Smaat Kid Puts Bullets In Vise, Whacks ‘Em With Hammer
• New Technique To Purse Snatching In Florida: Pretend to Puke
• Four Folks Freed From Fish Feces Formation
• Six Swift-Acting Rescue Teams Save Life Of Dummy