Category — Comedy

The weird is on,
The weird is o-on
The weird is on,
The weird is o-on.

Oh it’s on the street
The weird is – o-on

Oh-wo-ho, oh-wo-ho.

(Tell me can you feel it)
(Tell me can you feel it)
(Tell me can you feel it)?

THE WEIRD IS ON:

• Ice Cream Man Busted For Selling Pot From Irritating Musical Truck
• Drunk Drag Queen Firefighter Caught In Bikini Gets Off (PIC)
  
• Another Day, Another Garden Gnome Gone Wild In Florida
• Police Warn Californians: Be On The Lookout For Team Of Condom Thieves
• Ugly, One-Eyed Mascot Argues With Fox News Producer In NYC (VIDEO)
• Paris Hilton’s Used Toothbrush Sells For $305 On eBay
• Man Pummels Peacock To Death, ‘Cuz He Thinks It’s A Vampire
• Fast Food Server Gets Punched In Face For Not Saying “Please” And “Thank You”

PENN HILLS, PA — A drive-through fast food server who didn’t say “please” and “thank you” was apparently too rude for a customer, who punched her in the face, police said.

Duane L. Williams, angered by what he felt was the clerk’s rudeness, walked into the store to complain just before 8 p.m. Wednesday, Penn Hills police Chief Howard Burton said Friday.

Before the manager could meet with Williams, he walked back outside, pushed open the drive-through window and punched the 19-year-old woman in the face. The clerk was bruised, but not badly hurt, Burton said.

“He didn’t like the girl’s attitude because she didn’t say ‘please’ and ‘thank you,’” Burton said.

The store manager ran outside to get Williams’ license plate number and called police.

Williams, 46, told police he had “anger-management issues” when he turned himself in later that night, Burton said.

“He was unable to tell the officer why he did that. He said he remembered opening the drive-through window, but could not remember if he punched the victim or not,” Burton said. “I guess he just had a bad day.”

Nobody answered the phone listed at the address police supplied for Williams and it was not immediately clear if he has an attorney.

Police filed charges of simple assault, disorderly conduct and harassment Thursday, which were mailed to Williams with a summons to appear in court, Burton said.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Our guess is that this guy only became violent after consuming one too many doses of partially hydrogenated oils, trans fats, artificial sweeteners and mystery meat imported from China. Those ingredients combined would cause even Mother Theresa to clock the Pope with a roundhouse right.
• This isn’t the first time Williams has been in trouble for anger management issues. Previously, he decked an elderly woman who didn’t say “excuse me” when she brushed his shoulder in a crowded elevator.

SOURCE:

• WRAL

As summer starts to sink her hot and humid teeth in, the weather starts to take effect on the human mind, causing otherwise normal, everyday folks to do things like use food product to hide holes in prison walls, see religious images inside juicy red fruit, pull over vehicles shaped like giant wieners, and ask cops for a “time out” when being chased:

• Chased Thief Runs Out Of Breath, Asks Cops For A “Time Out”
• Cops Pull Over Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, Thinking It’s Hot
• ‘Kevin Bean’ Charged With Indecent Exposure At NH Hair Salon
• For Fifty Dolla, “Over Here Jerks!” Will Distract Nerd In SF iPhone Line
• Woman Slices Watermelon, Sees Image Of Virgin Mary Inside
• Man Killed When SUV Hits Fire Hydrant, Which Flies Through Air And Hits Him
• Inmates Use Pancake Batter And Toothpaste To Conceal Hole In Wall
• Man Awakes With Bad Headache. Doc Finds Bullet In Head. Wife Arrested.
• Death Row Inmate FAILS To Tell Joke As Last Words
• Stooge Who Sued Dry Cleaners Over Missing Pants Loses Lawsuit
• Meet Elwood, The World’s Ugliest Dog

MANILA – Philippine police chased down an unfit thief on Tuesday after he ran out of breath and asked his pursuers for a “time out.”

“He was panting and gasping for air when we caught up with him after a 500 meter sprint,” Erwin Buenceso, one of the arresting officers, told local radio station dzBB.

Buenceso said the man and an accomplice broke into a house in the Philippine capital and stole two expensive mobile phones. Screams from the residence alerted a local police patrol, which gave chase.

After running a while, the robber asked for a “time out” using hand signals.

When he regained his composure, police seized the two stolen phones and brought him to a station for questioning.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Ironically, the captured thief will now be taking a “time out” for a very long, long time.
• Unfortunately, the thief asked for a full time out when all he had left was one 20-second time out. He was executed on the spot.

SOURCE:

• Reuters

TUCSON, AZ – Cops pulled the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile over because a run of its license plate showed it was hot…er, we mean stolen.

The Wienermobile was on the road for a promotion in which contestants sing the Oscar Mayer jingle for a shot at appearing in a commercial and winning “American Idol” tickets.

The 27-foot-long, 11-foot-tall vehicle was in a construction zone in downtown Tucson Wednesday, slowing traffic. Officer Korey Lankow caught up to it and ran its “Y-U-M-M-Y” license plate to make sure it was street legal.

The plate came back as stolen. Lankow pulled over the Wienermobile, and two more officers arrived to help.

It turns out someone had indeed stolen the “Y-U-M-M-Y” plate off the Wienermobile in Columbia, Mo., back in February. Oscar Mayer officials reported the theft to police there, company spokeswoman Syd Lindner said. The company got a replacement YUMMY plate that same month and notified police in Missouri, Lindner said.

But the plate still came back as stolen Wednesday, with no note that it was OK if found on Wienermobile itself. A message left with the Columbia Police Department seeking to clear up the discrepancy wasn’t returned.

Jeff Kendell, 23, of Salt Lake City, was a passenger – or “hot dogger” in Oscar Mayer lingo – in the rolling wiener. Not missing a beat, Kendell handed out wiener whistles to the officers, who took a peek inside the Wienermobile and snapped pictures with digital cameras.

Arizona Highway Patrol spokesman Quent Mehr said Lankow is hearing plenty about it from his buddies.

“The officer, he’s just like, ‘I don’t believe this is happening,’” Mehr said.

JOKESTARTERS:

• This isn’t the first time the Wienermobile has been in trouble with the law. Previously, it had been impounded for indecent exposure of poisonous meat byproducts.
• When asked to comment a public relations spokesperson for Oscar Mayer would only say “what a load of baloney.”
• Officers knew that the Wienermobile wasn’t stolen when they were force-fed actual Oscar Mayer hot dogs, which consist of scrap meat scraped off the floor of a Chinese meat processing plant. Both cops are expected to survive.

SOURCE:

• Centre Daily