Posts from — August 2007

Officers caught littering, parking in a prohibited area, or arriving late will have to don the striking armband featuring the “Kitty” character sitting on top of two hearts, said Police Colonel Pongpat Chayaphan.

“Simple warnings no longer work. This new twist is expected to make them feel guilt and shame and prevent them from repeating the offense, no matter how minor,” said Col Pongpat, acting chief of the Bangkok crime suppression division.

“Hello Kitty is a cute icon for young girls. It’s not something macho police officers want covering their biceps,” he said.

Officers caught breaking the law would be subject to the same fines and penalties as any other members of the public, he added.

“We want to make sure that we do not condone small offenses,” Col Pongpat said.

His department believed getting tough on petty infringements would lead to fewer cases of more serious offences including abuse of power and mistreatment of the public.

Hello Kitty, which was introduced by Sanrio in 1974, has been popular for years with children and young women.

The cat adorns everything from diamond-studded jewelery, Fender guitars and digital cameras to lunch boxes, T-shirts and stationery.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Not to be outdone, police in Manila are forcing officers who misbehave to wear armbands made of envelopes suitable for holding large letters.
• In a related development, male figure skaters who misbehave will be required to get skull tattoos on their genitals.

SOURCE:

• Scotsman.com

Strange goings-on in swimming pools.

A distractable bus driver.

Zsa Zsa’s alleged “prince” found nekkid in his Rolls.

Lame suicide attempt.

And of course, everyone’s favorite, wacky animal hijinks…just another weird week in review:

• Thieving Squirrel Stealing Children’s Chocolate Treats From Grocery Store
• Man Tries To Commit Suicide By Tying Self To Tree For Six Days
• Capuchin Monkey Unlocks Cage And Escapes. Authorities Call Ben Stiller.
• If This Pussy Curls Up On Your Lap, You’re Gonna Die
• Zsa Zsa’s “Prince” Hubby Found Nekkid In His Rolls
• Driver Tries To Kick Woman Off Bus For Being Too Sexy
• Woman Baffled By Theft Of Her Backyard Swimming Pool, Including Water
• Is That A Milky Way In The Pool? Pool Closed After It’s Found *Not* To Be Candy.
• Oral Surgeon Implants Tusks In Assistant’s Mouth As Joke

“I named it the Kinder-squirrel, after the treats. It always goes after them, other sweets do not seem to interest it as much,” the manager of the store in Jyvaskyla, central Finland, told Reuters.

The confectionary, which is intended for children, has a toy inside.

“It removes the foil carefully, eats the chocolate and leaves the store with the toy,” Irene Lindroos said.

Unfortunately, the bushy-tailed thief does not clean up after itself, but leaves the wrappers behind, she added.

Squirrels have a well deserved reputation for being clever and adaptable animals. Many a home owner has seen the small rodents raiding their supposedly “squirrel-proof” bird feeders.

JOKESTARTERS:

• The good news – when this squirrel becomes road kill, at least he’ll have a chocolaty aftertaste, right?
• Squirrels are rodents, and are only considered “cute” because of their bushy tails. But hack those cute tails off, replace it with a coaxial cable and boom – you’ve got a friggin’ rat. STOP STEALING CHOCOLATES YA LITTLE RODENTS!

SOURCE:

• Reuters

Police found him alive after hikers looking for their runaway dog Tuesday evening heard his pleas for help in a remote area of Cypress Bowl Road.

The 48-year-old man in distress could not be reached because of the rough terrain, although he was able to tell police he had gone there six days ago to commit suicide and had chained himself to a tree.

West Vancouver police launched a rescue operation with the North Shore Search and Rescue Team, as well as fire and ambulance personnel.

The man was conscious when he was reached but rescuers required the assistance of a helicopter to airlift him to safety.

He was later taken to hospital for an assessment, although police say it’s believed the man will survive the ordeal.

JOKESTARTERS:

• In a sad twist of events, the tree was found dead after suffocating from six full days of this idiot’s body odor.
• Not to be outdone, Al Gore tied himself to a tree with the intention of not being released until global warming is solved. Sadly, he didn’t tell anyone which tree in which forest.

SOURCE:

• CNEWS

TUPELO, MI — In a scene straight out of “Night At the Museum,” a white-faced capuchin monkey unlocked his cage and escaped from the Tupelo Buffalo Park and Zoo Tuesday.

“Oliver” freed himself at about 8 a.m. and led park staff on a chase through the park’s trail system before eventually eluding them.

Park employee Ann Stewart said Oliver will respond to his own name and may take bait of bananas, marshmallow or grapes. She urged people to call the park if they spot the mammal.

“He will bite. People around here have handled him, but he will bite. Just call the Buffalo Park,” Stewart said.

Oliver is a nine-year-old capuchin, a species of monkey native to South and Central America.

Stewart believes Oliver could be in the Country Club or Colonial Estates areas, but said the monkey could have traveled much farther given his ability for speed.

“He could outrun the horses,” she said. “You can’t catch him. If he doesn’t want to be caught you can’t catch him.”

SURVEILLANCE VIDEO OF CRIME:

JOKESTARTERS:

• In a related story, Ben Stiller announced today that he will never ever visit the Tupelo Mississippi area again.
• At one point, authorities had cornered the mischievous monkey, but then it slapped a cop in the face and ran away, laughing.

SOURCE:

• WRAL