Scott “Squatch” Herriott’s Funny Tips o’Plenty #2: Word Usage

Anyone who’s attempted writing jokes for any length of time realizes the importance words play in said endeavor.

After all, you can’t write a joke without words, right? (unless of course you’re a mime, but that’s a whole ‘nother column)

Here are my thoughts on specific comedic word usage:

1. Krusty the Clown has repeatedly reminded us of the importance of “K” sounding words. There’s a famous comedy saying that goes “Why say ‘car’ when you can say ‘Buick’” (Note to readers: anyone know who first said that? Insert your answer in comment sbelow)

2. I recall Johnny Carson discussing once how odd numbers, generally, are funnier than even ones. This definitely applies to list jokes, hence the odd tally of three that you’re right in the midst of.

3. I think Steve Martin once swore that the word “Holocaust” should be avoided at all costs…even though it has a “K” sound in it.

Here’s a list of four words I guarantee will insert chuckleness into any gag.

1. Guava: For example: “I swear that bastard had a guaaavvaaaa stuck in his shorts”. “Tomato” wouldn’t cut it…”Banana” is too obvious. Plus, the lengthening of the pronunciation just screams of professionalism.

2. Blango blingo!: Okay, so it’s two words, but I think you’ll forgive me once the checks start rolling in.

3. Antidisestablishmentarianism: No matter what the subject, a guffaw bonanza awaits anyone encountering that super big word. No example due to space limitations.

4. Squank: I believe I actually created this word. However, I also believe in Bigfoot. Anyway, a great word to describe any type of muscle injury: “Hold up, I think I squanked my neck” or “Normally, I would help you bury the body, unfortunately my back is squanked”. You can also use it to mimic some odd birdcall. Unfortunately, this fourth-listed word breaks the standard “odd number” rule, which means I’ve basically “squanked” this entire column.

Write On!!

LINKS:

• Walkpct.com
• Scott’s documentaries for sale:
  • Squatching/Journey Toward Squatchdom
  • This Exit Only
• [Scott Herriott is an experienced stand-up comedian, TV host (formerly with TechTV's "Internet Tonight") and is currently passing the time making and selling original documentaries. In his spare time he remains obsessed with proving to the world that yes, Bigfoot is indeed 100% absolutely real. He claims to have seen the beast, even videotaped it. Where others see the rustling of sticker bushes, or perhaps the faint outline of a fox, he sees Bigfoot. Perhaps that's why he's such a funny sonuvabitch. He can be contacted thru his website.]