Posts from — July 2007

Roy L. Pearson, a local administrative law judge, argued Wednesday that District of Columbia Superior Court Judge Judith Bartnoff failed to address his legal claims. Bartnoff had ruled that the business owners did not violate the city’s consumer protection law by failing to live up to his expectations of a “Satisfaction Guaranteed” sign once displayed in the store.

“The court effectively substituted a guarantee of satisfaction with ‘reasonable’ limits and preconditions for the unconditional and unambiguous guarantee of satisfaction the defendant-merchant chose to advertise for seven years,” Pearson wrote. “That was a fundamental legal error.”

If Bartnoff rejects Pearson’s motion, he could take the matter to the District of Columbia Court of Appeals.

The motion comes less than a week after the South Korean immigrant owners of Custom Cleaners asked the judge to order Pearson to cover $83,000 in legal fees.

“(The) Plaintiff’s motives have been clear – quite simply, to harass Defendants and to attempt to utterly destroy their lives,” attorney Christopher Manning wrote.

The case, which drew international attention, began in 2005 when Pearson became an administrative law judge and brought several suits for alterations to Custom Cleaners.

A pair of pants from one suit was missing when he requested it two days later. A week later, the store owners said the pants had been found, but Pearson denied that they were his and decided to sue.

Pearson’s suit, which originally sought $67 million, was based on a strict interpretation of the city’s consumer protection law. It also included damages for inconvenience, mental anguish and attorney’s fees for representing himself.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Does anyone who reads this (other than me), think to themselves that they’re really dead? Or in a dreamworld? Because this just can’t really be happening in real life now, can it folks? There is no Roy Pearson. There are no missing pants. There’s no ridiculous lawsuit. Right? Hello? Is this thing on???

SOURCE:

• Seattle P-I

All of a sudden, a man–bleeding from the mouth–appeared on top of the truck’s cab and began climbing and sliding down the front windshield. He denied needing help and simply walked off southbound.

Following a hunch by the truck driver, an officer returned to the most recently emptied dumpster and found that the mystery man had climbed right back into it and gone to sleep.

Medics transported the man to the hospital with leg and mouth injuries.

After the fact, she found out that the name she knew him by is not his real name, that he is older than she, and that he uses three Social Security Numbers.

He’s been calling, trying to woo her back, but she wants nothing to do with him.

An officer explained that she could get a court order against her former paramour, but she would need to know his real name and address.

And there’s the hitch: Even though they dated for two years — and had a child together — the woman admitted that she knows only that Mr. Wonderful lives “downtown somewhere.”

Envelopes containing 10,000 yen ($82) bills along with well-wishing notes have been discovered over the last few weeks.

Local media have estimated that over two million yen ($16,400) worth of bills were found at men’s rooms in city halls in at least 15 prefectures (states) in recent weeks.

Each package of 10,000-yen bills, some wrapped in traditional Japanese washi paper, was accompanied by handwritten letters that read “Please make use of this money for your self-enrichment,” and “One per person,” according to reports.

Officials are baffled over the identity of the benefactor or any motives, the reports said.

Packages turned over to police were to be kept for some time in case someone claimed them.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Plenty of people throw money down the toilet. It’s just that this person has chosen to do it publicly, and with kindness. Now if only Bill Gates would try this technique…
• Authorities first realized that something was amiss when they found beggars going from bathroom to bathroom asking for spare toilet paper.

SOURCE:

• Seattle P-I (thanks MarkF!)

PHOENIX, AZ – A woman reported that a man broke into her South Mesa apartment just to make a ham sandwich.

Crystal Trevino was at her home alone when the suspect (Andres Flores) kicked in her door.

Trevino said she looked around the corner and saw Flores “standing at my refrigerator opening up my ham trying to make a sandwich.”

Flores made himself feel at home with baked honey ham and a loaf of bread.

Trevino called police and 15 minutes later, Flores was caught in the courtyard with evidence on him.

“Even when they caught him he still had the mayonnaise on his face,” Trevino said.

Flores is now facing burglary charges.

JOKESTARTERS:

• This isn’t the first time Flores has been in trouble with the law. Previously he was jailed for breaking into a Tucson woman’s house just to use her bidet. Authorities busted him then because his ass was so clean and fresh.
• This is exactly the reason I never put mayo on my sandwiches – like this criminal, you could get caught with evidence on your face.

SOURCE:

• First Coast News