Posts from — July 2007

WASHINGTON, DC – Imagine this scenario: a hooded gunmen enters your outside dinner party, puts a gun to the head of a 14-year old girl and demands money.

A little while later, the same gunmen, sans hood, is sipping your wine, eating Camembert cheese and asking for a group hug.

This is what happened recently in DC, and police on Capitol Hill are still baffled by it.

It started around midnight on June 16 when a group of friends was finishing dinner on the patio of a DC home, authorities and witnesses said. That’s when a hooded man slid through an open gate and pointed a handgun at the girl’s head.

“Give me your money, or I’ll start shooting,” he said, the witnesses told The Washington Post.

Everyone froze, they said, but then one guest spoke up.

“We were just finishing dinner,” Cristina Rowan, 43, told the man. “Why don’t you have a glass of wine with us?”

The intruder had a sip of their Chateau Malescot St-Exupery and said, “Damn, that’s good wine.”

The girl’s father, Michael Rabdau, 51, told him to take the whole glass, and Rowan offered him the bottle. The would-be robber, with his hood down, took another sip and a bite of Camembert cheese and put the gun in his sweatpants.

Then the story got even more bizarre.

The man with the gun apologized, the witnesses told the Post.

“I think I may have come to the wrong house,” he said. “Can I get a hug?”

Rowan stood up and wrapped her arms around the man and the four other guests followed.

The man walked away a few moments later with the crystal wine glass in hand. No one was hurt, but once he was gone, the group went inside, locked the door and called 911.

Police said Friday that the case was strange but true. Investigators have not located a suspect.

“We’ve had robbers that apologize and stuff, but nothing where they sit down and drink wine,” Cmdr. Diane Groomes said. “The only good thing is they would be able to identify him because they hugged them.”

JOKESTARTERS:

• In a related development, apparently gang-bangers in DC like to sip wine and eat Camembert cheese.
• This isn’t the first time this gunman has asked for a group hug. Previously, when he held up a nearby Hooters, he demanded a group grope.

SOURCE:

• Seattle P-I

Oooooh, what a weird, wacky and especially scary week (seeing that it ended on Friday the 13th), chock full o’bank robbing foliage, terrorist heavy metal singers, flying nutjobs, stinky feet, stupid flight attendants and a major government “sting operation”:

• BREAKING NEWS: Major Sting Operation At The State Department!
• Baby Boy Says “Bye Bye Plane.” Flight Attendant Says “Bye Bye Baby.”
• Doofus Posing As Cop In SUV With Flashing Lights Pulls Over Real Cop. Oops.
• Nutjob Judge Isn’t Quite Done With His Missing Pants Lawsuit Yet
• When Using Public Toilet In Japan, Be Careful What You Wipe With. It Could Be Money!
• Man Breaks Into Woman’s Apartment Just To Make Ham Sandwich
• Police Break Into Smelly Apartment, Looking For Corpse. Instead Find Guy With Stinky Feet.
• Angry Bride Jailed For Attacking Fiance’ With Her Stiletto
• Nutjob Flies Over Oregon In A Lawn Chair
• Metallica Singer Detained At Airport For Having “Taliban-Like Beard”
• Man Dresses Up As Tree, Then Robs Bank

WASHINGTON, DC – A major sting operation is currently taking place at the State Department Headquarters here, and employees have been seen fleeing, many screaming hysterically.

They’ve been fleeing “killer” wasps that have infested areas around office buildings, that is.

Large numbers of the fearsome looking insects, which can grow to about two inches, are congregating in the vicinity of State’s Harry S. Truman building and causing distress to employees, according to an internal memorandum obtained by The Associated Press.

These are ‘cicada killer’ wasps, which, despite their somewhat alarming appearance and name, are generally not aggressive and do not pose a threat to humans,” said the notice, which was distributed on Thursday in a bid to ease fears.

“Almost all of the wasps flying around the nesting areas are males, which typically do not sting unless disturbed during mating,” it says. “The female wasps prey on cicadas and are unlikely to bother passers-by unless directly threatened.”

The notice, which includes a photo of a typical wasp, points employees who have additional concerns to the Web site of the University of Kentucky entomology department for details about the cicada killers and their mating habits.

However, that Web site is unlikely to calm the diplomats’ nerves, inasmuch as it notes that both males and females will attack humans when bothered during mating season which runs through the summer months.

JOKESTARTERS:

• State Department Security personnel knew something was wrong when they witnessed Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice jumping up and down, running erratically and hysterically screaming “Get it off me! Get it off me!”
• In keeping with our country’s current security concerns, the wasps were rounded up, tasered, interrogated, strip-searched, then sent off to Guantanamo for the rest of their worthless lives.
• Upon hearing of this incident, Head of Department of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff was quoted as saying “I had a gut feeling about those little bastards.”
• In a related development, the Terrorism Alert Level has been raised to Yellow and Black.

SOURCE:

• KIROTV.com

RELATED STORY:

• Single Bee Sends Gathering Of Humans Into Helpless Panic (The Onion)

ATLANTA, GA – A mom and her toddler son were booted off an airplane after she refused a flight attendant’s request to medicate her son to get him to quiet down and stop saying “Bye bye, plane.”

Kate Penland, of suburban Atlanta, said she and her 19-month-old son, Garren, were flying from Atlanta to Oklahoma last month on a Continental Express flight that made a stop in Houston.

As the plane was taxiing in Houston en route to Oklahoma, “he started saying ‘Bye, bye plane,’ Penland told WSB-TV in Atlanta. The flight attendant objected, she said.

“At the end of her speech, she leaned over the gentleman beside me and said, ‘It’s not funny anymore. You need to shut your baby up,”‘ Penland told WSB-TV in Atlanta.

When Penland asked the woman if she was joking, she said the stewardess replied, “You know, it’s called baby Benadryl.”

“And I said, ‘Well, I’m not going to drug my child so you have a pleasant flight,”‘ Penland told the TV station.

Penland said other passengers began speaking up on her behalf, and the flight attendant announced they were turning around and that Penland and Garren were going to be taken off the plane.

Penland and her son were let off the plane and did not complete the trip to Oklahoma, said Kristy Nicholas, spokeswoman for Express Jet Airlines, which flies as Continental Express on behalf of Continental Airlines.

Attempts by the Associated Press to reach Penland under a telephone listing that matched her last name were unsuccessful.

“I was crying, I was upset and I was thinking, ‘What am I going to do? I don’t have anything with me, I don’t have any more diapers for the baby, no juice, no milk,” Penland told WSB.

Nicholas said, “We received Ms. Penland’s letter expressing her concerns and intend to investigate its contents.”

JOKESTARTERS:

• Obviously, the flight attendant did the right thing. Babies are the most underrated terrorist suspects, and should be treated with extreme caution at all times.
• Not to be outdone, TSA officials are now hand-searching all diapers on these suspicious, alleged “babies.” Anything found that’s over three ounces will land its owner in Guantanamo.
• Upon hearing of this incident, Michael Chertoff was quoted as saying “I had a gut feeling about that little shit…”
• In response to this incident, Continental Airlines will now feature special “Sippy Cuptails” for babies on all flights. Each complimentary beverage will consist of apple juice mixed with cyanide, and is guaranteed to quiet fussy babies. Forever.

SOURCE:

• CNEWS

BOHEMIA, NY – A guy posing as a cop pulled over the one person he shouldn’t have – a real cop, according to authorities.

Robert Lane, 25, was arrested Tuesday on charges of criminal impersonation and aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle, Suffolk County police said.

Lane was driving an SUV fitted with flashing lights when he tried to stop the off-duty New York police detective on a highway on Long Island, Suffolk police said.

They said Lane told investigators the detective had cut him off.

The detective got suspicious when Lane drove up alongside him, identified himself as an officer and flashed a small police badge, Suffolk police said.

The detective showed his own police ID and ordered Lane to pull over, then followed him when he didn’t and called in local police to arrest him, authorities said.

Lane could not immediately be located for comment.

JOKESTARTERS:

• This isn’t the first time this man has been in trouble with the law. Previously, he was busted for impersonating a rational, logical-thinking human being.
• The real cop knew something was wrong when the fake cop did a flashy disco dance move, then asked him to spell out Y-M-C-A with his arms.

SOURCE:

• CBS2Chicago.com