Posts from — July 2007

Frederic Von Anhalt called police about 10 a.m. Thursday to say he’d been driving on Bellagio Road behind the Bel Air Country Club when he was flagged down by three women in a white Chrysler convertible with Florida plates, said Los Angeles Police Department spokesman Kevin Maiberger.

Von Anhalt said he thought the three women wanted to pose for a photograph with him, but when he started talking to them, one of them pushed a gun into his neck.

“All of a sudden I felt a pressure on my neck. She said to me, `It’s the real thing, don’t move,” Von Anhalt told reporters outside a Santa Monica courtroom Friday, following a hearing in which his wife was ordered to pay nearly $4,000 for failing to attend an earlier court session in an ongoing lawsuit against her daughter.

“And then they took everything off me. Took my watch off, my expensive watch. I’m completely in the nude,” said Von Anhalt, who uses the royal title prince, which he says was given to him by a German princess who adopted him.

“He was found naked in the front seat,” Officer Sandra Gonzalez said. He was not injured.

Von Anhalt said one woman took the keys from his Rolls-Royce Phantom then handcuffed him to the steering wheel.

The police say no handcuffs were found when they arrived.

In February, von Anhalt announced he believed he was the father of Smith’s daughter, Dannielynn. Von Anhalt said he carried on a decades-long affair with the former Playboy Playmate of the Year.

DNA tests later proved Smith’s ex-boyfriend Larry Birkhead was the baby’s father.

Von Anhalt was in court Friday for a hearing in the lawsuit he and Gabor filed against Gabor’s daughter, Francesca Hilton.

Superior Court Judge Jacquelin Connor ordered Gabor, 90, to pay a penalty for missing an earlier court appearance in the lawsuit, even though her lawyers had provided the court with a doctor’s note explaining Gabor’s absence at the previous hearing.

Gabor and her ninth husband claim in the lawsuit that Hilton — Gabor’s daughter with the late hotel magnate Conrad Hilton — stole $2 million by forging her mother’s signature to take out a loan on Gabor’s $14 million Bel-Air home.

The lawsuit, which alleges elder abuse, fraud and intentional infliction of emotional distress, alleges that Hilton used money from that transaction to buy a Laurel Canyon property and invest in a phantom company in New York.

Connor set a Sept. 14 trial date and ordered Gabor to pay $1,840 to Hilton’s attorney, Ronald Richards, and $2,040 to the notary in the case.

Gabor did not appear in court — Von Anhalt said she was too sick to do so. The purported prince expressed disappointment with the judge’s decision.

“I always said America is the best country to live. But in Europe we respect older, sick people. We don’t drag them to court,” he said.

Hilton did not speak to reporters, but Richards called the judge’s decision to penalize Gabor a victory. He said the lawsuit is groundless.

“My client has been the victim of scurrilous allegations,” Richards said. “She will have her day in court.”

Richards questioned the veracity of Von Anhalt’s reported robbery.

“It’s an uncorroborated alibi, about as fantastical as him being the father of Anna Nicole’s child,” Richards said.

Hilton, born in 1947, is the only child from Gabor’s marriage to the hotel magnate. She is a great-aunt to Paris and Nicky Hilton.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Take a long hard look at the photo of the nekkid “Prince” stuck in his hot car and imagine you’re the cop who has to un-tie him. Now, after vomiting, don’t you feel better? You can thank me later…
• Despite some controversy, it was recently proven that yes, Frederic Von Asshat is indeed a prince. He was anointed one by a tribe of visiting Reptilian Aliens from the planet ZsaZsa…
• In a related story, the ghost of Anna Nicole Smith will be interviewed on Larry King Live tonight for six hours to discuss this incident. It will then be replayed non-stop constantly over the next five months.

SOURCE:

• MLive.com

“Suddenly he stopped the bus,” the woman named Debora C. told Bild newspaper. “He opened the door and shouted at me ‘Your cleavage is distracting me every time I look into my mirror and I can’t concentrate on the traffic. If you don’t sit somewhere else, I’m going to have to throw you off the bus.’”

The woman, pictured in Bild wearing her snug-fitting summer clothes with the plunging neckline, said she moved to another seat but was humiliated by the bus driver.

A spokesman for the bus company defended the driver.

“The bus driver is allowed to do that and he did the right thing,” the spokesman said.

“A bus driver cannot be distracted because it’s a danger to the safety of all the passengers.”
JOKESTARTERS:

• In a related story, male ridership on German buses has suddenly and inexplicably skyrocketed.
• Ironically, and this is indeed true (look it up if you don’t believe), the German word for breasts is busen. Coincidence? I think not!

SOURCE:

• Metro.co.uk

Daisy Valdivia awoke to find her family’s hip-high, pool gone from her backyard Wednesday.

Valdivia told The Record of Bergen County the theft must have occurred between 1 a.m., when her husband went to bed, and 5 a.m., when she awoke.

She’s amazed someone could steal the pool that quickly and just wanted to know “what the heck they did with the water,” she said.

JOKESTARTERS:

• This incident is further proof that UFOs and aliens do indeed exist. Obviously the pool was taken up into a spaceship by little Greys who needed to give their abducted, thirsty, soon-to-be-mutilated cows a drink.
• Authorities are asking citizens to be on the lookout for any suspicious bad guys who have wet hair and smell of chlorine.

SOURCE:

• USA Today

A swim team noticed the problem at the Island Park pool when they arrived to practice on Wednesday morning, park district officials said. The bag likely contained dog or other animal waste, officials said.

Dave Klundt, assistant director of recreation, said the vandals “may think it’s a funny prank, but they don’t understand they’re displacing a lot of people on a hot day.”

The temperature had reached 95 degrees on Wednesday afternoon.

Klundt said workers used 42 gallons of a chemical and water solution to disinfect the pool. The process takes 12 to 18 hours, he said.

About 750 people visited the Island Park pool on Monday, parks district officials said. Three other public pools in the city have been at or near capacity this week.

JOKESTARTERS:

• The female Sheriff investigating this incident has had to step down, after vomiting repeatedly due to morning sickness (it’s a Fargo movie joke…work with it…).
• This isn’t the first time this pool has been shut down because of vandals. Previously, a large bag of urine was thrown in, and authorities shut it down because they though someone spilled apple juice in the pool.

SOURCE:

• Seattle P-I

OLYMPIA, WA — An oral surgeon who temporarily implanted fake boar tusks in his assistant’s mouth as a practical joke and got sued for it has gotten the state’s high court to back up his toothy dental gag.

Dr. Robert Woo of Auburn had put in the phony tusks while his female assistant was under anesthesia for a different procedure. He took them out before she awoke, but he first shot photos that eventually made it around the office.

The employee, Tina Alberts, felt so humiliated when she saw the pictures that she quit and sued her boss.

Woo’s insurance company, Fireman’s Fund, refused to cover the claim, saying the practical joke was intentional and not a normal business activity his insurance policy covered, so Woo settled out of court. He agreed to pay Alberts $250,000, then he sued his insurers.

A King County Superior Court jury sided with Woo, ordering Fireman’s Fund to pay him $750,000, plus the out-of-court settlement. The insurance company won the next round, with the state Court of Appeals saying the prank had nothing to do with Woo’s practice of dentistry. On Thursday, the state Supreme Court restored Woo’s award.

In a sprightly 5-4 decision, Supreme Court Justice Mary Fairhurst wrote that Woo’s practical joke was an integral, if odd, part of the assistant’s dental surgery and “conceivably” should trigger the professional liability coverage of his policy.

Dissenting Justice James Johnson said the prank wasn’t a dental procedure at all and only “rewards Dr. Woo’s obnoxious behavior and allows him to profit handsomely.”

The back story, the court wrote, is that Alberts’ family raises potbellied pigs and that she frequently talked about them at the office where she worked for five years.

Woo said his jests about the pigs were part of “a friendly working environment” that he tried to foster.

The oral surgery on Alberts was intended to replace two of her teeth with implants, which Woo did.

First, though, he installed temporary bridges that he had shaped to look like boar tusks, and while Alberts was still under anesthesia, he took photos, some with her eyes propped open. Before she woke up, he removed the “tusks” and put in the proper replacement teeth.

Woo says he didn’t personally show her the pictures but staffers gave her copies at a birthday party.

Woo’s lawyer, Richard Kilpatrick, described the surgeon as a kindhearted, fun-loving man who was chagrined that an office prank turned out so badly. He was delighted with the high court’s decision, Kilpatrick said.

Attorneys for the insurance company did not immediately return calls seeking comment.

JOKESTARTERS:

• I wonder, when the oral surgeon took the stand in court, did the bailiff ask him if he’d vow to “tell the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth”?
• Can you imagine working as this doc’s assistant now and getting free oral surgery? “Um, no fangs doc…”

SOURCE:

• WRAL