Posts from — June 2007

Mary Lou Robles works at the Calipatria State Prison in the snack bar. Last week she was getting ready to serve some watermelon when she saw the image of the Virgin Mary inside.

“I cut it and I started putting it into cubes and I saw this. The Virgin de Guadeloupe because to me it’s the Virgin de Guadeloupe,” said Robles.

The Virgin de Guadeloupe is the image of the Virgin Mary said to appear to peasant in Mexico.

“I always carry mine.”

Mary has her Virgin Mary medallion with her at all times.

She said she hopes the vision comes as a blessing.

“I’m going to keep it here. Something has to happen to me, good.”

Mary showed the image to her mother and daughter without telling them what it was and their reaction was instantaneous.

“She said what do you see? And right away I saw it. Sometimes I need glasses but right away I saw it.”

Mary’s daughter Crystal said the image is a sign from a higher power with one simple message.

“It’s unexplainable but sometimes God does miracles and maybe it brought her a visual of the watermelon so she can realize she’s a great woman and somebody else is watching over her.”

Mary said she knows there are skeptics.

“I tried to show my coworkers and they said ‘Throw it away’.”

Her daughter said none of that is important.

“As long as she sees it and as long as she knows that it’s a thank you. It’s ok.”

Mary said she has no plans to try and sell the watermelon or get rid of it. She said she’s had it for ten days and it’s still fresh. At this time of year, that’s a minor miracle in itself.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Not to be outdone, at a recent Jokestarter picnic, everyone saw the image of the “comeback” Elvis in the disposed spine of a baked scrod. We were all very joyful about the discovery and took it as a good omen. Except for the skeptical dude who choked to death on a scrod bone…sorry man, maybe next time you’ll believe…
• No word yet on whether GoldenPalace.com will be buying this one. They have to get a refrigerated case first…

SOURCE:

• First Coast News

Humberto Hernandez never saw the 200-pound flying piece of iron that killed him and veteran police officers could not remember ever seeing anything like this accident.

Motorcycle Officer Eddie Bermudez, who is investigating the death, said Friday it was “a million-to-one chance” that something like this could happen to someone.

Bermudez said if Hernandez had been one step ahead or one step behind where he was on the sidewalk “he would not have gotten hit.”

Police said the hydrant hit Hernandez — who was walking with his wife — in the back of the head, skipped off him and hit a fence before landing another 20 feet away.

Lt. Fausto Melara, a 25-year veteran and a longtime motorcycle officer, said, “I’ve seen a lot of accidents but never anything like this.

“I’ve seen people hit fire hydrants but never anyone killed by a flying fire hydrant.”

Police said Hernandez was walking with his wife in the 900 block of 98th Avenue — a short distance from his home — about 5:52 p.m. Thursday.

Bermudez said Hernandez had just bought his wife some flowers and some cherries and they were walking to a restaurant at 98th Avenue and International Boulevard to have dinner.

Police said a 2007 Ford Escape driven northbound on 98th by a 45-year-old Danville woman who said a tire blew before the vehicle swerved onto the sidewalk.

Bermudez said police have not confirmed that the tire blew. He said the driver told police she was not talking on a cell phone or was distracted in any other way.

When the SUV smashed into the hydrant, the impact broke the hydrant from the ground and launched it at a 45-degree angle toward Hernandez, who was about 10 feet away walking northbound on same side of the street. Police are not sure if the hydrant might have skipped off the pavement before hitting 5-foot-6 Hernandez in the back of his head.

“He was walking a bit ahead of his wife and then, all of a sudden, he is in the line of fire,” Bermudez said.

After hitting Hernandez, the hydrant still had enough velocity to ricochet through a fence before stopping.

That was especially surprising to police, including one officer who said, “You can’t even pick those things up.”

Hernandez was pronounced dead at the scene. His wife was not hurt.

She could not be reached for comment Friday. Bermudez said he was told that the couple had recently come to the United States and were living in a trailer.

The wife, he was told, “has no relatives here, no money, no nothing. It was just her and her husband.”

JOKESTARTERS:

• We here at Jokestarter try to avoid making jokes about tragic deaths, so let’s just consider this a straight news item worthy of reading…(insert your own tasteless jokes about dogs peeing, SUVs, daily dose of iron, etc.)

SOURCE (thanks MarkF):

• InsideBayArea.com

Now steel plates are being added to the Missouri jail’s interior walls.

The hole at the Scott City Jail was discovered this weekend, said police Chief Don Cobb. He said inmates removed a block from the wall, after making a digging tool with a nail, a wire from a light fixture and a toothbrush.

The mixture of pancake batter and toothpaste looked like mortar, he said.

Prisoners will stay in a county jail until a security check is completed at the city building.

The city jail’s exterior walls already are reinforced with steel to prevent inmates from escaping, Cobb said.

“Unless they can smuggle in an arc welder, they aren’t getting through that,” he said.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Prison guards first became aware of the alternate use for pancake batter when they smelled the unique scent of maple syrup on the wall. Originally they thought that Aunt Jemima was imprisoned…
• Not to be outdone, pancake mix manufacturers everywhere will be releasing their newest product: “Missouri Prison Pancake Mix With Built-In Toothpaste.”

SOURCE:

• WRAL

Police then arrested his wife.

St. Lucie County Sheriff’s deputies initially thought Michael Eugene Moylan had been hit by a stray bullet, but later realized the couple’s story did not match up, Sheriff Ken Mascara said.

April Moylan, 39, was arrested Tuesday and was in the process of being charged with attempted murder, Mascara said.

Moylan, 45, woke up at 4:30 a.m. and thought he had suffered an aneurism or that his wife had elbowed him in his sleep, authorities said.

His wife drove him to the hospital where doctors said a bullet had lodged behind his right ear. Authorities obtained a search warrant for the couple’s home, located in an upscale gated community, and later arrested the wife, Mascara said.

Evidence indicated that Moylan had been shot at close range by someone in the house and it was clear there were inconsistencies with the couple’s story, Mascara said.

April Moylan eventually told authorities she accidentally shot her husband. It was not immediately clear if she had an attorney.

“How can this guy be shot, not know that he was shot in bed and then walk into a hospital room. It was just amazing to all of us,” Mascara said.

Michael Moylan did not undergo surgery, but was transferred to a trauma facility, authorities said. His condition as not known.

JOKESTARTERS:

• (obvious:) This guy needs his wife like he needs a hole in the head! Oh wait…
• Upon further investigation, it was discovered that the man’s wife was just trying to help “relieve some pressure” by utilizing her newly-learned trepanning techniques.

SOURCEL

• WRAL

SAN ANTONIO, TX – A Texas man scheduled to be executed Tuesday planned on telling a joke as his “last words” before he received a lethal injection did not, according to Yahoo News.

Patrick Knight, 39, had been soliciting jokes on the Internet, Texas Department of Criminal Justice spokeswoman Michelle Lyons said on Monday.

But when the moment came, Knight thanked God for his friends and asked for help for innocent men on death row. He named several he said were innocent. His voice shaking and nearly in tears, he said, “Not all of us are innocent, but those are.”

After expressing love to some friends, he said, “I said I was going to tell a joke. Death has set me free. That’s the biggest joke. I deserve this.”

“And the other joke is that I am not Patrick Bryan Knight and y’all can’t stop this execution now. Go ahead, I’m finished.”

Nine minutes later at 6:21 p.m. CDT, he was pronounced dead.

Knight was sentenced to die for the August 1991 murder of his two elderly neighbors in Amarillo, Texas.

Lyons said a friend of Knight’s set up a page on the social networking website MySpace.com to solicit jokes, and “hundreds” of suggestions have arrived in the mail.

“I’ll be enjoying my last days on Earth,” Knight wrote on the Web site. “I’m not asking for pen pals, but I’m asking you to spread the word that I am holding a contest. I want people to send me their best jokes, and to keep me and others with (execution) dates laughing.”

Texas leads the nation with 396 executions. None of those put to death have ever joked about it, Lyons said.

“We’ve certainly had some people who have recited a poem or a Bible verse, some people who have asked forgiveness or who pray,” she said. “This is, to my knowledge, the first time anybody has told a joke as their last words.”

JOKESTARTERS:

• So this guy’s guilty of killing two neighbors in 1991. And he’s going to die. And he wants to go out by telling a joke? I got a joke for you buddy – who’s a killer, an idiot and soon to be dead? YOU.
• What a relief that this guy didn’t try using Jokestarter…they prolly woulda killed him much faster!

SOURCE:

• Reuters