Posts from — May 2007

June Medema, slipped in the vomit at a Davenport Wal-Mart on June 13, 2005, according to the lawsuit, filed by Medema and her husband, James, in Scott County District Court earlier this month.

Medema claims that she was seriously injured in the fall.

The lawsuit alleges that Wal-Mart’s negligence led to Medema’s fall, but it does not specifically say how the store was negligent.

John Simley, a Wal-Mart spokesman, decline comment saying he hadn’t seen the lawsuit.

The lawsuit claims that Medema suffered serious neck and upper back injuries in the fall and has undergone several surgeries and is unable to work.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Actually, that wasn’t puke she slipped in. It was the collective sweat of the thousands of children who labor to keep Wal-Mart prices low.
• Oddly enough, after the woman slipped into the puddle of puke, several Wal-Mart shoppers asked her “which aisle did you get that fabulous top? It’s so colorful!”
• The victim not only suffered neck and upper back injuries, now she really has to suffer – she’ll forever be known as the woman who slipped in a puddle of puke at Wal-Mart. Can you imagine anything worse?

SOURCE:

• Seattle P-I

Mark McGowan set up a table on a London street Tuesday and dined on what he said was the meat from a corgi in hopes of drawing attention to media reports that Prince Philip, the queen’s husband, had beaten a fox to death during a hunt.

McGowan’s protest was broadcast on a live radio program.

“We love our animals in Britain,” McGowan told AP Television News. “Why is it then that we then allow people – especially people who are supposed to be ambassadors for this country – to treat animals with such disrespect?”

Buckingham Palace declined to comment, and Britain’s top animal-protection charity said there was no evidence to support the claim that Prince Philip abused the fox.

To make the corgi more palatable, it was mixed with apple, onion and seasoning, turned into meat balls, and served with salad.

McGowan said the corgi he consumed had died recently at a breeding farm and had not been killed for the purposes of the protest. He did not say how the dog had died.

“I ate three lumps of it. But I spat two of them out, so I really ate one and a half of them,” McGowan said.

The queen has several corgis, and they have the run of Buckingham Palace – even in the middle of formal state events.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Corgi. The other gray meat. Have some today. Available at all fine English grocery stores.
• Apparently, to wash the Corgi down, the performance artist drank urine from the Queen herself, discovered in the dumpster of the Queen’s Royal Doctor’s office in Peebury.
• For dessert, the performance artist suckled on roasted nipples from Princess Diana’s exhumed body (ok, that went over the line buddy…)

SOURCE:

• Seattle P-I

Three women reported similar incidents to police over the past two months, and two of the women reported the suspect was on a bicycle. None of the women reported injuries.

Police Sgt. Cate Welsh said Monday the man’s request is not a crime, but they are concerned nonetheless.

“That kind of behavior tends to be a precursor to sexual assault. That’s what we’re trying to determine,” Welsh said.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Police are warning citizens to be diligent and on the lookout for a man walking bow-legged, sticking his groin out and wearing a “kick me here” sign.
• Authorities are scouring nearby bars and pubs, looking for their suspect – a smiling man doubled over in pain, holding his johnson.
• This is news? No, it isn’t – this is an ad you see on craigslist just about every single day.

SOURCE:

• WRAL

VIDEO:

• YouTube “kicked in nuts” videos 

A man in the Wendy’s drive-through argued with an employee because he wanted more of the condiment, police said.

The worker told the customer that restaurant policy prohibited a customer from getting more than three packets.

The man insisted on 10, reports said. The employee complied, but police said the customer wanted even more.

The manager came out to speak to the man, said Miami-Dade police spokesman Mary Walter.

The customer then shot the manager, who was taken to a hospital with injuries that were not life-threatening.

The customer fled in his vehicle with a female passenger, authorities said.

JOKESTARTERS:

• You think this customer was pissed off about not getting enough chili sauce? You shoulda seen him when he was refused an extra packet of tartar sauce at Skippers.
• After further investigation, turns out that this guy didn’t fire a gun at the manager after all. The bullet-like arm injuries were actually the result of intense shots of methane gas brought on by the Wendy’s chili!
• The good news? The injured Wendy’s manager will become employee of the month. The bad news? He works at Wendy’s.

SOURCE:

• WRAL

UPDATE 6/1/07: Turns out that this entire story, from the “donor” to the “contestants” and the logo of the show is all a HOAX! More info here. 

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands – Here in the land of marijuana cafes and red light districts, the latest fad in reality TV is taking shape – the “Big Donor Show” centers around a terminally ill woman who will choose one of three contestants to receive one of her kidneys after she dies.

TV executives said that this new reality show will highlight the country’s shortage of organ donors.

But critics have called the show unethical and tasteless.

Several members of the Dutch parliament have said it’s a bad idea, and one plans to ask the government to block Friday’s premiere broadcast.

Even the European Union has weighed in, saying the show is in “rather bad taste.”

Still, television executives said the show points to a reality that is “even more” tasteless — that many people waiting for kidney transplants die before receiving them.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Apparently Dutch TV executives are going to pair this show up with their other new hit “Who Wants To Be An Amputee?”
• No word yet on who will host it, but we’re betting on David Crosby (or insert other famous organ donor druggie here).

SOURCE:

• KIROTV.com