Posts from — April 2007

LONDON — There’s a new soap on the market that will let you combine two morning activities in one – showering and drinking coffee.

That’s right folks, inventors in London have created a caffeinated soap called Shower Shock, which supplies the equivalent of two cups of coffee per wash, with the stimulant absorbed naturally through the skin, manufacturers say.

“Tired of waking up and having to wait for your morning java to brew? Are you one of those groggy early morning types that just needs the extra kick?” ask the makers, thinkgeek.com.

Scented with peppermint oil, each bar is designed to provide a stimulant boost within five minutes for a clean buzz.

JOKESTARTERS:

• This is nothing new. I’ve been lathering up my body with a Triple Grande No-Whip Non-Fat Moccachino for years.
• Strangely, drinking the foam from this soap tastes exactly like a Starbucks Mocha Light Frappaccino.
• For an extra $300 per session, a Barista named Ashley will infuse your shower with strategically-aimed hot steam.

SOURCE:

• ThinkGeek.com

BUY NOW AT eBAY

HOLIDAY, FL — A Cinderella-style hit and run crash in this St. Petersburg suburb ended when a left-behind shoe was found to be a perfect fit to a barefoot, injured suspect.

The story begins with a van plowing into the bathroom of a house. Residents Sandy McCombie and her fiance, Michael Toth, watched the van’s driver flee across their front lawn – leaving his shoe behind.

The Florida Highway Patrol was investigating about an hour later when John Glen Aquista, 43, of Holiday walked up to the scene.

The man was bloody, wearing only boxer shorts and, most important, shoeless. His injuries looked as if his face had smashed into a steering wheel, investigators said. Aquista denied involvement in the crash, but the van was registered to his address, the patrol said.

When a trooper asked him to slip on the wayward shoe, “it was a perfect fit,” the FHP said.

Aquista was charged with leaving the scene of an accident involving property damage and driving without a valid license. He was being held in the Pasco County jail in lieu of $1,250 bond Monday, jail records show. It was not clear whether he had an attorney.

On a more positive Cinderella-like note, crashed-house victims McCombie, 46, and Toth, 39, plan to get married Friday. No word on whether they’ve invited the suspect though.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Hint to future hit-and-run drivers: don’t return to the scene of the crime looking like you just escaped from a crash, with an imprint of a steering wheel on your face. If you do, just save everyone some time by wearing a sign that says “I’m the doofus who did it.”
• Further proof that the idiom “If the shoe fits” is indeed true. The shoe fit this barefoot stooge, even though he denied any wrongdoing. D’oh!

SOURCE:

• WRAL

Casciato said someone called 911 after the woman was seen birthing her baby on Fifth and Stevenson streets in San Francisco, at around 9:34 p.m.

When an ambulance arrived, a five-pound 12-ounce baby boy was found alive and kicking, but his mother was nowhere to be found.

In a scenario reminiscent of a recent birth that occurred on an Oakland sidewalk, Casciato said a woman believed to be the baby’s mother was spotted about a block and a half away, covered in blood.

According to Casciato, the woman, who was unable to give her name, denied giving birth. She was taken to the hospital in police custody, where she exhibited psychotic behavior and needed to be restrained.

Police have not been able to positively identify the woman, who is thought to be homeless and around 35 years old. Casciato said the woman may be named Nadine Matthews, but police have not yet been able to confirm this information.

Of the sidewalk birth, Casciato said that in a way, it was probably “the best thing that could have happened to that child.”

He said the baby was in good condition at an area hospital and was in the custody of Child Protective Services. The woman remained hospitalized and faceed charges of child endangerment.

JOKESTARTERS:

• To honor the mother’s birth choice and location, the baby boy was named “Homeless Motherless Stevenson the Fifth.”
• In a related story, today dozens of homeless men and women died on American streets. But did they make the newspaper?
• Note to SF horndogs everywhere: look for an easy, albeit psychotic woman named Nadine who’ll probably let you do her for a donut. Condom not required.

SOURCE:

• KTVU

VANCOUVER, BC — A Canadian man has been arrested after he was found walking around naked with a swastika taped to his body to mark Adolf Hitler’s birthday, police said on Friday.

Police in Nanaimo, British Columbia, on Canada’s Pacific coast, said they were called to the scene by concerned residents, and the man told them he was “honoring Hitler’s birthday.”

He was detained and will undergo a psychiatric assessment.

Hitler was born April 20, 1889.

“Although the swastika symbol causes some concern and is usually associated with hate and the Nazi regime, in this instance this male posed no threat to the community,” police said in a news release.

JOKESTARTERS:

• This guy should be thrown in jail for having nazi behavior, eh? (BOI-ING!)
• Hitler’s birthday was 4/20? And I missed it? Methinks this guy just smoked some really bad 420…

SOURCE:

• Yahoo News

MUMBAI — If you’re a low-caste student in this Hindu city, it’s likely that your teacher will sprinkle cow urine on you to purify you and drive away evil.

Upper-caste headteacher Sharad Kaithade ordered the ritual after taking over from a lower-caste predecessor at a school in a remote village in the western state of Maharashtra earlier this month, the Times of India reported.

He told an upper-caste colleague to spray cow urine in a cleansing ceremony as the students were taking an examination, wetting their faces and their answer sheets, the newspaper said.

“She said you’ll study well after getting purified,” student Rajat Washnik was quoted as saying by the CNN-IBN news channel. Students said they felt humiliated.

Hinduism reveres the cow, and its dung is used in the countryside as both a disinfectant and as fuel. In 2001, Hindu nationalists promoted cow’s urine as a cure for ailments ranging from liver disease to obesity and even cancer.

The newspaper said the two teachers were arrested after angry parents complained to police. They have been released on bail.

India’s secular constitution bans caste discrimination, but Dalits – those at the bottom of the caste system – are still commonly beaten or killed for using a well or worshiping at a temple reserved for upper castes, especially in rural areas.

Dalits, once known as “untouchables”, make up around 160 million of India’s billion-plus population.

In February, the New York-based Human Rights Watch group said India is failing to protect its lower-caste citizens, who were condemned to a lifetime of abuse because of their social status.

JOKESTARTERS:

• Nothing inspires me more for a test than having cow piss sprayed on me during the test. I especially find the stench mentally stimulating, and the staining of my test paper makes me even smarter.
• This is news? I’ve been an advocate for urine-based learning since I first wet my pants in kindergarten!

SOURCE:

• Stuff.co.nz